Ryan Holiday Quote on Rules and How They Are The Best and Most Polite Excuse To Living Your Best Life

“Steve Kamb, the founder of Nerd Fitness, told me that the best and most polite excuse is just to say you have a rule. ‘I have a rule that I don’t decide on the phone.’ ‘I have a rule that I don’t accept gifts.’ ‘I have a rule that I don’t speak for free anymore.’ ‘I have a rule that I am home for bath time with the kids every night.’ People respect rules, and they accept that it’s not you rejecting the offer, request, demand, or opportunity, but the rule allows you no choice.”

Ryan Holiday, Medium

Beyond the Quote (266/365)

I have a rule that I don’t eat meat or dairy. I have a rule that I don’t drink alcohol. I have a rule that I don’t do drugs. I have a rule that I only borrow on credit cards what I can pay back at the end of each month. I have a rule that every day I do something for personal growth and something selfless for others. These rules define how I live my life and are undoubtedly some of the best and most polite tools I have to continue living my life this way.

Saying I have a rule that I don’t eat meat or dairy is a completely different statement than saying, “I don’t usually eat meat or dairy” or “I try to stay away from meat or dairy.” The difference is in the definitiveness of the statement. The former is black and white—it’s a rule and it’s clearly defined. The latter is gray—it’s wishy-washy and changes depending on the context of the moment and the mood of the person.

I learned at a relatively young age that wishy-washy doesn’t work long-term. I learned that moods and emotions are unreliable coaches for self-improvement. And I learned that people don’t respect “gray areas” and will fight, sometimes tooth and nail, to get you to do whatever it is they’re doing if they sense they can convince you to. What works much better, at least in my experience, is simply being definitive in your statements. Make it non-negotiable. Make it black-and-white. Make it a rule. People will respect it more.

What if they don’t respect it? Well, then you’ll start to more clearly see who you should spend more of your time with and who you probably shouldn’t. People who respect you will respect the rules you have for yourself (assuming they aren’t self harming in any way and are appearing to be in your best interest). People who don’t respect you, won’t respect your rules. And people who don’t respect you, shouldn’t get the privilege of being friends with you. Have enough respect for yourself to ditch people who don’t respect you—and protect your vibe and your life energy accordingly.

What you’ll find is that slowly, slowly, the more consistent you are with your rules and the more you maintain your discipline in living by them—the more people will start to remember your rules and the more they will adjust to them, too. You’ll start to see the landscape shift around you for the better and things will start to fall into place naturally that didn’t before.

For example, when I go out to restaurants, the people I go out with almost always make sure there are vegan options. Or when there’s a party, people know that I don’t drink or do drugs so I only usually get invited to parties that aren’t dependent on those things happening. And, as those who are closest to me know, when I make my mind up about something, especially if I made it a rule for myself, they don’t push me or pressure me into breaking that rule. This makes it so much easier for me to live my life how I want to live it.

So, rather than always coming up with excuses, or having to resort to lies, or succumbing to the peer pressure of the moment—come up with life rules. Think about the type of person you want to be and don’t be wishy-washy about it—own it. Be that person by defining who that person is and make it black-and-white. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself if fulfilling your potential and living your best life is a kinda-sorta important thing to you, or if it’s definitely an important thing to you. And, well, act accordingly.

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