The Ultimate Boundary Builder List – 101 Quotes On Boundaries To Take You From Zero to Boundary Hero

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Excerpt: Boundaries don’t make you a bad person, they make you a BETTER one. Read our 101 quotes on boundaries to better build yours today…!

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Introduction: Boundaries Don’t Make You A Bad Person…

“Can we please stop associating being a good person with how much you’re willing to suffer in silence for other people? You can be a kind person and still say, ‘No, I don’t have the time/energy to help you with that.’ You can be a kind person and still say, ‘This makes me uncomfortable, please stop.’ You can be a kind person and still say, ‘I disagree, and here’s why,’ you can be kind and still say, ‘I’m not okay with this.’ Being kind is about treating people with kindness and respect, not about being the human equivalent of a doormat.”

Unknown

Nobody wants to be a doormat.

Doormats have no boundaries.

They get walked all over by anyone and everyone. They are used whether it’s morning or night; hot or cold; wet or dry; muddy or icy. Doormats suffer in silence for the convenience of all.

They’ll never turn you away, disagree with the conditions of your shoes, say how they feel, or tell you it’s not an okay time. Being a doormat is not being a good person; being a doormat is demeaning to your person.

Don’t be a doormat—be a door, instead.

Doors are the sacred protectors of our homes.

They draw a clear boundary between who is allowed in and who should stay out. The only people who are allowed in are those who we choose to let in. If we don’t have the time/energy to answer the door—we don’t. If someone comes to our door that makes us uncomfortable—we tell them to please stop and close it (maybe with the use of different words). If we decide to let them in, we can agree, disagree, connect, or quarrel and know that when we’re done, our door will be there to reestablish our boundaries.

You wouldn’t let just anyone into your home, right? You wouldn’t stand by and watch someone wreck, muddy, and ruin your sacred space of living while you suffered silently in the background, would you?

Of course not.

Well why then do you let people do just that to the home of your mind? …The home where you spend more time than your physical home?

This is where kindness gets commonly misunderstood.

Nobody looks at doors as being “unkind” and boundaries aren’t seen as “disrespectful.”

In fact, they’re commonly seen as the opposite: a sign of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth. It’s the homes that have no doors—only doormats saying “welcome”—that are treated poorly and without care or concern.

Homes are treated according to how they are kept.

Try to make your home appealing and convenient to all and it will get used, abused, and walked all over. Make your home into a place where people knock mindfully, ask politely, enter caringly, speak thoughtfully, and act accordingly—and so it will be.

Below, you’ll find our ultimate boundary builder list to help you become less of a doormat and more of an expert homeowner. Our list is broken up into three main sections (click to jump):

1. Why Boundaries Are Important (20 Quotes)
2. Who To Have Boundaries Against (25 Quotes)
3. How To Build (And Stick To Your) Boundaries (56 Quotes)

Our list is composed primarily of picture quotes with a few text quotes sprinkled in that we’ve been collecting for YEARS. Our hope is that by compiling such a complete list, it’ll inspire you to (finally) make some healthy and deliberate changes in your life for the better. And with that in mind and without further ado, let’s dive in.

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20 Quotes on Why Boundaries Are Important:

“Boundaries are a source of liberation. This truth is demonstrated elegantly by the story of a school located next to a busy road. At first the children played only on a small swath of the playground, close to the building where the grown-ups could keep their eyes on them. But then someone constructed a fence around the playground. Now the children were able to play anywhere and everywhere on the playground. Their freedom, in effect, more than doubled. Similarly, when we don’t set clear boundaries in our lives we can end up imprisoned by the limits others have set for us. When we have clear boundaries, on the other hand, we are free to select from the whole area—or the whole range of options—that we have deliberately chosen to explore.”

Greg McKeown, Essentialism (Page 169)

“Only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter.”

Greg McKeown, Essentialism (Page 4)

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Related: 23 Greg McKeown Quotes from Essentialism and How To Live Better Via Less

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25 Quotes on Who To Have Boundaries Against:

“In every relationship you have the opportunity to set the level of joy you expect and the level of pain you’ll accept. No relationship is perfect, but if joy never reaches a certain height, or holds to a low average, that won’t change unless you both put in a lot of work. The same is true for how much disappointment you’re willing to bear. Your connection may get a slow start—it can take a while to know each other—but if it never reaches a satisfying level, you need to decide whether to accept it or move on.”

Jay Shetty, Think Like A Monk (Page 251)

“Trying to get those near you to behave more like you is the opposite of love and it reflects your lack of inner peace. If you truly love someone, you have to accept them as they are, you can certainly give them suggestions from time to time but in no way can you control them. You can also create boundaries when necessary but you can never force them to change. Control is a manifestation of your own insecurity.”

Yung Pueblo

“It’s okay—necessary, in fact—to protect yourself from those in your family who aren’t good for you. We should have the same standards for our family as we do for everyone else, and if the relationship is fraught, we can love them and respect them from a distance while gathering the family we need from the wider world. This doesn’t mean we should neglect our families. But forgiveness and gratitude come more easily when we accept that we have friends and family, and we have friends that become family.”

Jay Shetty, Think Like A Monk (Page 229)

“When you say no, there is usually a short-term impact on the relationship. After all, when someone asks for something and doesn’t get it, his or her immediate reaction may be annoyance or disappointment or even anger. This downside is clear. The potential upside, however, is less obvious: when the initial annoyance or disappointment or anger wears off, the respect kicks in. When we push back effectively, it shows people that our time is highly valuable. It distinguishes the professional from the amateur.”

Greg McKeown, Essentialism (Page 138)

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56 Quotes on How To Build (And Stick To Your) Boundaries:

“Boundaries are the edge territory of what belongs to us and what belongs to someone else. They are the ways we communicate our needs. They are what allow us to feel safe among strangers, in everyday interactions, and in our closest relationships. Boundaries aren’t just the hard nos, they are also the maybes and the yesses-with-limits.”

Dr. Faith G. Harper, Unf*ck Your Boundaries

“it is the things
you say no to
that really show
your commitment
to your growth.”

Yung Pueblo, Inward (Page 119)

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Related: 28 Poetic Quotes from Inward by Yung Pueblo on Healing, Pain, and Love

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“Successful people say no to almost everything.”

Dru Riley, Blog

“It is healthy to be angry, and anger can also show us important aspects of who we are and what we care about. For example, anger shows us where our boundaries are. Anger also helps us identify what we find to be unjust.”

Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You (Page 73)

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Related: 48 Brianna Wiest Quotes from The Mountain Is You on Self-Sabotage and Healing

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“reminder: you can love people and simultaneously not allow them to harm you”

Yung Pueblo, Inward (Page 39)

“If you set a boundary with someone and they leave. That’s good. The boundary worked. The point of boundaries isn’t to “fix” relationships. It’s to protect your mental and emotional health from toxic relationships. Sometimes that happens by healing the relationship. Other times that happens by losing the relationship.”

Mark Manson

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Related: 9 Relationship Quotes That Will Make You Feel Better About Commitment

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“Whoever it is that’s trying to siphon off your time and energies for their own purpose, the only solution is to put up fences. And not at the moment the quest is made—you need to put up your fences well in advance, clearly demarcating what’s off limits so you can head off time wasters and boundary pushers at the pass. Remember, forcing these people to solve their own problems is equally beneficial for you and for them.”

Greg McKeown, Essentialism (Page 169)

“Before I could even begin to eliminate my busywork, I had to set boundaries—which was hard. I turned off notifications when I left work and kept them off at home. I had to learn how to consciously switch my mind away from work. But over time it got easier. I didn’t cringe every time I said ‘no’ or ‘tomorrow, not today.’ These might not sound like big steps, but when you’re in reaction mode, doing anything with intention can feel revolutionary. I also realized that boundaries prioritize your attention. Instead of responding to an email the moment it hit my inbox, I chose to continue the critical work I was currently engaged in.”

Aytekin Tank, Automate Your Busywork (Page 16)

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Related: 15 Aytekin Tank Quotes from Automate Your Busywork To Help You Reclaim Your Time

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“I started dividing my to-do list into 1) things I have to do, 2) things I want to do, and 3) things other people want me to do. Life changing! I often don’t get to #3 and I finally realized… this is what it means to have boundaries.”

Jenée Desmond-Harris, Twitter

“Time assets vs. Time debts. Time assets are choices that save you time in the future. Think: saying no to a meeting, automating a task, working on something that persists and compounds. Time debts are choices that must be repaid and cost you time in the future. Think: saying yes to a meeting, doing sloppy work that will need to be revised, etc. Time assets are an investment. Time debts are an expense.”

James Clear, Blog

“Giving away so much of your time to the requests of others will stop you from giving time to what is good and nourishing for you. Betraying yourself is not virtuous. Constantly saying yes to please others will lead to burnout. Say no frequently if you want to create a clear space in your life for what matters most to you.”

Yung Pueblo