10 Dream Discovering Questions For Women [Excerpt]

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Excerpt: The following is an excerpt from The Gift of a Year by Mira Kirshenbaum. In it she lays out ten dream discovering questions for women that might help reshape the focus of their lives. Enjoy!

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About the Book: The Gift Of A Year

The following is an excerpt from The Gift of a Year by Mira Kirshenbaum. In it she lays out ten “Dream Discovering” questions that are specifically geared towards women (as the whole book is written for women) that I thought would be incredibly valuable to share.

Kirshenbaum’s book is focused around the idea that the way we live can drain the ‘you’ from your life, and how important it is to take care of yourself and to fill your life with more of what truly matters to you. What she shares are methods and strategies that are backed by real life stories that show women just how they can do that.

Throughout this particular excerpt you’ll hear Kirshenbaum refer to “the perfect year,” “your special year,” and the “gift of a year.” This is where the central theme of Kirshenbaum’s book comes into focus. What she wants to show readers how to do is take a year off from their current lifestyle (together or in chunks) and achieve the most meaningful, satisfying, and pleasurable year of their life to date. A bold claim, eh? Well, I’ll leave it to her to convince you of its possibility.

Start, though, by digging into the question below so that you can get a sense of Kirshenbaum’s writing style and the direction she takes readers. I’m confident you’ll find some things in the “trunks of your attic” that will make the few minutes it takes to read this well worth it. And if you find this excerpt valuable, then you might consider reading her book in full. There’s a link at the end of the list that you can follow. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

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The Excerpt: Ten Dream Discovering Questions For Women:

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Answering these ten questions has shown women their buried dreams and therefore has given them the possibility of seizing a chunk of time that’s based on what they really want. What’s worked for others will work for you.

Don’t strain your brain. These questions are easy to answer, if you just let yourself say the first things that come to mind. Don’t worry about your answers being “right.” They’re right if they’re true. And don’t be afraid that your answers commit you to anything. Their only function is to lead you through the trunks in the attic of the self to help you reclaim buried treasures.

You don’t have to sit at a table with a pen in your hand. That’s not comfortable for some women. But you should write down your answers once they’ve come to you. The point is to let yourself ramble and daydream. You might have to come up with a number of answers to a particular question before you see the one answer that turns you on. And you can keep adding to your answers. I envy your being able to experience answering these questions for the first time. It’s a lot of fun.

Welcome to seeing to what’s best in you.

1. What are seven of your happiest memories?

Sometimes your most important unmet need is to recapture a form of happiness that once was yours. Memories of situations in which you were happy can point you toward ways you need to change your situation. For many women the perfect year is one where you do again what once made you very happy. Remember if it brought you joy before, it will bring joy again.

2. What were your dreams for your future when you were younger?

Surely you haven’t fulfilled all your dreams. And the most satisfying dreams to fulfill are the ones with the deepest roots. It certainly doesn’t have to be a dream for how you’re going to completely reshape your life. It might just be a dream that will add something new to your life. Too many of us are afraid of our dreams. Don’t be. Even if every dream can’t come true, there’s no better guide to what’s missing and what you now need than your dreams.

3. What do you like best about yourself?

This is a time to really give yourself credit for what’s best about you. It’s a mistake how much energy we put into shoring up the weak spots in our personality. I think we should put at least as much energy, if not more, into building on what’s best about us. So maybe you can do more with what’s best about you. Please admit the truth; don’t think of it as bragging. Knowing what you like best about yourself isn’t about thinking you’re wonderful. It’s about tapping into what gives you the greatest satisfaction.

4. What kind of life would you lead if you had ten million dollars?

No, this isn’t designed to tantalize you. It’s designed to lift you out of preconceived limitations about what’s possible for you. When it comes to bringing your dreams to light, this question can be very effective. Maybe you can’t literally do with your special year what you would do if you had ten million dollars, but knowing what it would be can point you toward something you can do.

5. Name some things you’d most enjoy doing—I’m talking about fun and pleasure here—that you’re not doing right now.

What better principle than the pleasure principle to help you find your dreams? The women most in need of the gift of a year are usually the women most likely to neglect giving themselves genuine pleasure. The barrier to get through here is being able to admit what really really gives you pleasure. A lot of the time we get the most pleasure from doing things that we wouldn’t want to boast about. Guilty pleasures. Lonely pleasures. Weird pleasures. But these may be just what you need most, and because they’re hard to admit they may be just what you have least of in your life right now.

6. When you look at the world around you, of all the things you feel connected to, what would you most like to change or improve?

Sometimes the best gift to yourself is a gift you give to something you care about in the world. This question gives you the opportunity to see if that’s true for you. Let’s make one thing clear: you already do plenty for other people. This is for you, but it’s for the part of you that wants to give to people who don’t have an immediate claim on your time. I think we all have a deep psychological need to feel that what we do matters. But the fact that something matters to you doesn’t mean that it necessarily matters to a troubled world. The shortcut to the sense that you matter is doing something that shows how you care about the world.

7. What has given you the most fulfillment so far in your life?

You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. If something has given a lot to you before, it might be best to turn to it again now when you’re needing to get something for yourself. The key to answering this question successfully is to give yourself time to think about it: some of the deepest fulfillments take the longest to bubble up to the surface when you’re looking for them. If something worked once, why won’t it work again?

8. Who are the five people who are your biggest role models?

I once knew a highly accomplished woman who guided herself through life, whenever she came to a turning point, by appealing to her inner Katharine Hepburn. “What would Katharine Hepburn do here?” she’d ask herself, and then she’d always know what to do. Most of us contain within us the images and voices of people who are guides for who to be and how to live. But sometimes we get away from what our inner idols would want for us. Knowing who your top five role modes are, seeing which one you’ve gotten furthest away from, and figuring out what to do to win back his or her approval can be a wonderful way to be true to yourself, to be proud of yourself, and to come up with a great idea for the gift of a year.

9. What are three things you want to change about yourself?

Many women decide to use their special year to focus on one specific part of themselves they want to improve. By naming three things, you give yourself the sense of having options. But don’t feel you have to “go deep.” Some of the most important, satisfying changes we can make in ourselves are on the surface. It’s more important to focus on a change that’s specific and doable than on a change that’s “deep” but vague and difficult. Once you pick something you want to change, your idea for your special year comes when you know what to do to change it.

10. What are five things that are most important to you that you have the least of in your life right now?

I’m talking more about the spiritual than the material end of things: more time with close friends, more peace of mind, more fun, more self-understanding. The best way to come up with five things is to come up with twenty-five things that are important to you that you have the least of and then pare your list down to the top five. Then maybe you can use your special year to get all five. Maybe you’ll have to choose one.

Let yourself experience the real, hard, bottom-line, stark-naked truth as you answer these questions. You’re not out to impress anyone. Just answer the ten questions honestly. And if you haven’t really let yourself tell the truth of your gut (as opposed to the truth of your head), take another stab at it.

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If you enjoyed this excerpt from The Gift Of A Year, then you’ll certainly enjoy reading Kirshenbaum’s book in full. It comes warmly recommended:

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