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    “Even if we have a lot of money in the bank, we can die very easily from our suffering.  So, investing in a friend, making a friend into a real friend, building a community of friends, is a much better source of security.  We will have someone to lean on, to come to, during our difficult moments.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step

    The ground of real love:

      “We really have to understand the person we want to love.  If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.  If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love.  We must look deeply in order to see and understand the needs, aspirations, and suffering of the person we love.  This is the ground of real love.  You cannot resist loving another person when you really understand him or her.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step

      — The More: —

      Take Action:  From time to time, sit close to the one you love, hold his or her hand, and ask, “Darling, do I understand you enough?  Or am I making you suffer?  Please tell me so that I can learn to love you properly.  I don’t want to make you suffer, and if I do so because of my ignorance, please tell me so that I can love you better, so that you can be happy.”  If you say this in a voice that communicates your real openness to understand, the other person may cry.  That is a good sign, because it means the door of understanding is opening and everything will be possible again.

      Comment:  Do you feel that you and your partner understand each other deeply?  If so, what methods have kept the doors of understanding so open for you and your relationship?

        “When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce.  You look into the reasons it is not doing well.  It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun.  You never blame the lettuce.  Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person.  But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like lettuce.  Blaming has not positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments.  That is my experience.  No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding.  If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step

          “We often ask, ‘What’s wrong?’ Doing so, we invite painful seeds of sorrow to come up and manifest.  We feel suffering, anger, and depression, and produce more such seeds.  We would be much happier if we tried to stay in touch with the healthy, joyful seeds inside of us and around us.  We should learn to ask, ‘What’s not wrong?’ and be in touch with that.  There are so many elements in the world and within our bodies, feelings, perceptions, and consciousness that are wholesome, refreshing, and healing.  If we block ourselves, if we stay in the prison of our sorrow, we will not be in touch with these healing elements.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step

            “Someone who speaks badly to us may have been spoken to in exactly the same way just the day before, or by his alcoholic father when he was a child.  When we see and understand these kinds of causes, we can begin to be free from our anger.  I am not saying that someone who viciously attacks us should not be disciplined.  But what is most important is that we first take care of the seeds of negativity in ourselves.  Then if someone needs to be helped or disciplined, we will do so out of compassion, not anger and retribution.  If we genuinely try to understand the suffering of another person, we are more likely to act in a way that will help him overcome his suffering and confusion, and that will help all of us.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step

              “Anger is rooted in our lack of understanding of ourselves and of the causes, deep-seated as well as immediate, that brought about this unpleasant state of affairs.  Anger is also rooted in desire, pride, agitation, and suspicion.  The primary roots of our anger are in ourselves.  Our environment and other people are only secondary.  It is not difficult for us to accept the enormous damage brought about by a natural disaster, such as an earthquake or a flood.  But when damage is caused by another person, we don’t have much patience.  We know that earthquakes and floods have causes, and we should see that the person who has precipitated our anger also has reasons, deep-seated and immediate, for what he has done.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step

              The Mastery of Love [Book]

                The Win Within: Capturing Your Victorious Spirit by Bert Mandelbaum
                By: don Miguel Ruiz

                Book Overview: In The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships.  Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.

                Post(s) Inspired by this Book:

                12 Quotes ➜
                Buy Now ➜

                  “You must forgive those who hurt you, even if whatever they did to you is unforgivable in your mind.  You will forgive them not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don’t want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you.  It doesn’t matter what others did to you, you are going to forgive them because you don’t want to feel sick all the time.  Forgiveness is for your own mental healing.  You will forgive because you feel compassion for yourself.  Forgiveness is an act of self-love.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love

                    “Explore the possibilities.  Be yourself.  Find a person who matches with you.  Take the risk, but be honest.  If it works, keep going.  If it doesn’t work, then do yourself and your partner a favor: Walk away; let her go.  Don’t be selfish.  Give your partner the opportunity to find what she really wants, and at the same time give yourself the opportunity.  If it’s not going to work, it is better to look in a different direction.  If you cannot love your partner the way she is, someone else can love her just as she is.  Don’t wast your time, and don’t waste your partner’s time.  That is respect.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love

                      “To master a relationship is all about you.  The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream.  Once you know this, you can be responsible for your half of the relationship, which is you.  If you know that you are only responsible for half of the relationship, you can easily control your half.  It is not up to us to control the other half.  If we respect, we know that our partner, or friend, or son, or mother, is completely responsible for his or her own half.  If we respect the other half, there is always going to be peace in that relationship.  There is no war.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love

                        “Selfishness, control, and fear will break almost any relationship.  Generosity, freedom, and love will create the most beautiful relationship: an ongoing romance.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love

                          “If you’re a part of a shitty relationship, you owe it to yourself to move on.  You owe it to yourself to be happy with the relationships you have.  You are in control.  Besides, moving on is sometimes the best way to develop new, empowering relationships.  Starting anew, empty-handed and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships—important relationships that allow you to have fun and be happy and contribute beyond yourself.  These are the meaningful relationships we all need.” ~ The Minimalists, Everything That Remains

                            “When a relationship is birthed out of convenience or proximity or chemistry alone, it is bound to fail.  We need more than a person’s physical presence to maintain a meaningful connection, but we routinely keep people around because… well, simply because they’re already around.” ~ The Minimalists, Everything That Remains