“No wonder I’m a perfectionist – always hoping that if I do things well enough I’ll finally feel loved and accepted. So much of my activity is driven by pain: if I can just do it right, I won’t hurt anymore. The trap is that it works – temporarily. For a short time I do feel better, but then self-criticism sets in again and I need to accomplish something else – perfectly.” ~ Robert Kull, Solitude
Quotes from Solitude
“I feel I somehow own myself and have the right to control what I do and feel and what happens to me. From there it follows that the world is mine to do with as I wish. But I didn’t make me, nor do I own me or the world. I’m just part of the flow of existence.” ~ Robert Kull, Solitude
“Sometimes, I actually experience that there is no outside or inside, that the weather and my feelings are a continuum, that the world is not, cannot be, against me since there is not separation between us. I am the wind and rain. In those moments I feel peace and joy.” ~ Robert Kull, Solitude
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi, via Solitude
“It isn’t actually non-doing that generates anxiety, but rather fretting about doing or not doing. When I’m simply in the moment, without worrying about what I ought to be doing, my mind is at ease. It’s when I try to microplan everything that my imagination runs amok – because I can’t really know what will happen.” ~ Robert Kull, Solitude
“Anxiety is part of our human condition, and we need to learn to treat it as an old friend, or least a familiar acquaintance. Many therapists say to do something to avoid anxiety, but in such endless activity much of our experience – joyful and painful – is lost. Seems like a hard bargain.” ~ Robert Kull, Solitude
“And that’s the trick. Somehow in looking back, almost any situation seems to have been ok. The challenge is to live that acceptance in the present, not just in memory.” ~ Robert Kull, Solitude
“In many cultures, solitude is recognized as an opportunity to journey inward; in our culture, spending time alone is often considered unhealthy because we tend to believe that meaning in life is found only through relationship with other people. But to be fully human, we need relationship not only with other people but with the nonhuman world, with our own inner depths – and with Something Greater. For me, that nonmaterial Presence is mysterious and sacred. It can be experienced, but not defined. And I’ve learned that in coming into a deeper relationship with my self, I develop the capacity to connect more deeply with others.” ~ Robert Kull, Solitude