“Fred, who had more hardships than most people but was highly grateful, wanted to live to 110; my mother, who had more advantages than most people, saw no point in living. Advantages alone—even awareness of them—weren’t enough, perhaps because they can be lost. Gratitude, on the other hand, was an affirmation that the world gave you things, and might continue to do so.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 122)
Quotes from Happiness is a Choice You Make
“Thanks are the highest form of thought, and… gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ~ G. K. Chesterton, via Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 118)
“If you believe you are in control of your life, steering it in a course of your choosing, then old age is an affront, because it is a destination you didn’t choose. But if you think of life instead as an improvisation in response to the stream of events coming at you—that is, a response to the world as it is—then old age is more another chapter in a long-running story. The events are different, but they’re always different, and always some seem too much to bear.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 114)
“Problems [are] only problems if you [think] about them that way. Otherwise they [are] life—and yours for the living.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 113)
“We’re made better by loving unconditionally: embracing the perfections in our imperfect mate, accepting that they’ll never change, growing into our own perfections by loving them.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 84)
“Maybe it is a liberty of younger people to think that the best mate is the one you don’t have: a stranger you haven’t met yet or an improved version of your current partner. It favors the future over the present and past—natural when the future looks long and full of potential, less so when you know what’s coming. But it also obscures or diminishes the partner you really have.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 84)
“The drive for trading up, wanting the new and improved, may fuel humanity’s progress, but it also creates a lot of dissatisfaction and anxiety.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 84)
“I have no feeling of an afterlife at all. As a matter of fact, I hope not. I can’t imagine anything going on forever. I miss Walter and I wish I could meet him in another life, but I know I won’t. Actually, it’s rather soothing. It is all going to end; I don’t see anything wrong with that.” ~ John Sorensen, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 83)
“In life one’s parter is often boring or mundane, but in memory he never is.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 81)
“Bad relationships may be more harmful than good relationships are beneficial.” ~ Laura Carstensen, via Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 68)
“How to be happy? Here was a start. Accept whatever kindnesses people offer you, and repay with what you can. Let a friend buy you lunch, then do her a solid in return. You’ll benefit from the favors you receive, but even more from the ones you perform. Don’t begrudge the people who need you; thank them for letting you help them. Give up the obsession with self-reliance; it’s a myth, anyway. None of these comes naturally to me, and even as I write them now, they seem too pat. But in Helen and Howie I saw them in action, again and again, and here is what I saw: they worked. They weren’t genius; they were wisdom.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 62)
“In a relationship, sometimes taking—allowing the other person to do something for you, rather than insisting on doing it yourself—is also a kind of giving. The same applies in friendships or business relationships. True generosity includes enabling others to be generous.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 60)
“I often feel that death is not the enemy of life, but its friend, for it is the knowledge that our years are limited which makes them so precious.” ~ Rabbi Joshua L. Leibman, via Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 46)
“A starting point for wisdom at any age might be to accept that you’re going to die—really accept it—and to feel more contented by the limits, not less. Modern medicine encourages us to consider death a test we can win or lose, something presided over by experts in white coats. But the elders offered a wiser perspective. None of us will get out of here alive, so we might as well live while we can.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 45)
“We become what our environment encourages us to be.” ~ Laura L. Carstensen, Stanford Center on Longevity, via Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 35)
“Everything is moving into the future, but the future doesn’t exist. It’s what we create. Our responsibility for the present moment, that’s morality. The future of humanity or the family or whatever depends on what you do this moment. If you want the next moment where everything will be better, then you’d better do this moment right.” ~ Jonas Mekas, via Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 32)
“Happiness to me is what’s happening now. Not the next world; it’s not the dance you’re going to tonight. If you’re not happy at the present time, then you’re not happy. Some people say, I get that new fur coat for the winter, or get myself a new automobile, I’ll be happy then. But you don’t know what’s going to happen by that time. Right now are you happy? Like me. I have health problems, but it’s been going on a long time, so it’s secondary.” ~ Fred Jones, via Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 29)
“Old age is the last thing we’ll ever do, and it might teach us about how to live now.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 23)
“People with much less enjoy great lives.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Page 19)
“If you want close, supportive relationships with friends and family members when you’re eighty-five, trace a series of moves leading up to that, all the way back to the present time. Pleasant, right? That’s the universe telling you to spend more time with people you care about. If you want a life of purpose, don’t you think you’d better start finding your purpose now? You may not get there by working more hours, coming home late, putting off time with your friends and family. Maybe you want a different job, a long talk with your son, a move to a different part of the country. Maybe the answer is ending a marriage in which you’re no longer helping each other grow. I never said this was going to be easy.” ~ John Leland, Happiness is a Choice You Make (Pages 16-17)