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    “Do not ask your children
    to strive for extraordinary lives.
    Such striving may seem admirable,
    but it is the way of foolishness.
    Help them instead to find the wonder
    and the marvel of an ordinary life.
    Show them the joy of tasting
    tomatoes, apples and pears.
    Show them how to cry
    when pets and people die.
    Show them the infinite pleasure
    in the touch of a hand.
    And make the ordinary come alive for them.
    The extraordinary will take care of itself.”

    William Martin, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching

      “In addition to reading, writing, and arithmetic, all kids need to learn self-awareness, self-regulation, and communication as part of their core curriculum. Just as we teach history and geography, we need to teach children how their brains and bodies work. For adults and children alike, being in control of ourselves requires becoming familiar with our inner world and accurately identifying what scares, upsets, or delights us.”

      Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score (Page 356) | ★ Featured on this book list.

        “As long as we feel safely held in the hearts and minds of the people who love us, we will climb mountains and cross deserts and stay up all night to finish projects. Children and adults will do anything for people they trust and whose opinion they value. But if we feel abandoned, worthless, or invisible, nothing seems to matter. Fear destroys curiosity and playfulness. In order to have a healthy society we must raise children who can safely play and learn. There can be no growth without curiosity and no adaptability without being able to explore, through trial and error, who you are and what matters to you.”

        Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score (Page 352) | ★ Featured on this book list.

          “I have always wondered how parents come to abuse their kids. After all, raising healthy offspring is at the very core of our human sense of purpose and meaning. What could drive parents to deliberately hurt or neglect their children? Watching [Karlen Lyons-Ruth’s] videos provided me with one answer: I could see the children becoming more and more inconsolable, sullen, or resistant to their misattuned mothers. At the same time, the mothers became increasingly frustrated, defeated, and helpless in their interactions. Once the mother comes to see the child not as her partner in an attuned relationship but as a frustrating, enraging, disconnected stranger, the stage is set for subsequent abuse.”

          Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score (Page 123) | ★ Featured on this book list.

            “As we grow up, we gradually learn to take care of ourselves, both physically and emotionally, but we get our first lessons in self-care from the way that we are cared for. Mastering the skill of self-regulation depends to a large degree on how harmonious our early interactions without caregivers are. Children whose parents are reliable sources of comfort and strength have a lifetime advantage—a kind of buffer against the worst that fate can hand them.”

            Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score (Page 112) | ★ Featured on this book list.

              “Literally from the first doctor’s visit with your newborn, they are telling you how your kid stacks up against other kids—their height and weight percentile, etc etc. It never stops…unless you stop it. You are not raising the average child, you are raising YOUR child. How many of the things you’re worried about as a parent would worry you if you didn’t know or didn’t look at what other families were doing?”

              Ryan Holiday

                “Buying your kids the best will never replace giving your kids your best.”

                James Clear

                  “For the best results with children, spend half the money you think you should, and double the time.”

                  Kevin Kelly

                    “I’ve never understood parents who complain about “being a chauffeur” to their kids. ‘What am I, your driver?’ they say. Sure, it can be a pain in the ass to drive your kids around. To day care. To school. To a friend’s house. To a doctor’s appointment. To soccer practice. Sometimes it can feel like this is all parenting is — driving a little person around. For free. But instead of seeing the drive as an obligation or an inconvenience, why not choose to see it as a gift? A moment between moments. In fact, it’s a lot of moments. Even better, it’s captive time. You are stuck together! This is wonderful. This is what you wanted, right? An opportunity to connect? To bond? To have fun? So use it!”

                    Ryan Holiday

                      “What if instead of being concerned, you were just aware? What if instead of talking about behavioral issues, you just talked about behaviors? How about instead banning curse words from your house, you banned negative self-talk, maybe negative talk entirely? Instead of complaining about their use of slang or improper English, you tried to limit complaining itself? What if instead of trying to find a nice way to point out that another kid is playing better than yours, you just dropped comparison altogether?”

                      Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic Blog

                        “Talking and reasoning does not even have one thousandth the influence a true example has. All lessons about how to behave are worthless when children see the opposite in real life.”

                        Leo Tolstoy, A Calendar of Wisdom (Page 373)

                          “If you raise people to praise only wealth, power, and glory, then naturally they will praise only these things. If you raise people to love the feeling of love, they will start to live in love.”

                          Mee-Tee, via A Calendar of Wisdom (Page 363)