“We are often drawn to chaotic romantic partners because their chaos guarantees that we will always feel needed. In contrast, dating someone with their shit together is, in some ways, terrifying—they are so functional and self-sufficient and self-contained, how could we ever know that they need us? The answer is: they don’t need us. Yet they choose to spend their life with us anyway. And that is far more powerful.”
Mark Manson
“The toxicity of self-discipline occurs when it is shame-driven, when you buy into a narrative that you are worthless or a failure for not being disciplined. I try to view both self-discipline and self-care as tools/skills. It’s important to be able to do hard things when necessary. But that doesn’t mean doing hard things is always necessary. Similarly, it’s important to be able to slow down and enjoy yourself when necessary. But that doesn’t mean slowing down and enjoying yourself is always necessary.”
Mark Manson
“I find that most people who believe ‘society’ is going to judge their failures harshly are actually just surrounded by 1-2 people who judge their failures harshly—usually a friend or family member. Ultimately, you want to surround yourself with people who understand that trying and failing are a natural part of life and will encourage you to overcome mistakes. If those people aren’t around you right now, make an effort to find them and surround yourself with them as soon as possible.”
Mark Manson
“People often mistake highs for happiness. Highs are short-lived and intense. They leave you feeling empty afterward. Therefore highs often become addictive. Happiness is long-lived and calming. It’s like pleasant background music to everything else you do in life. Happiness is the side effect of wanting to chase nothing, change nothing.”
Mark Manson
“Approach life advice not like immutable laws but rather like trying on clothes. Some advice will fit you well and flatter you. Other advice will not. Advice that may work great on one person may work terribly on the next. Pick and choose your advice to suit your personality and the occasion. Feel free to discard old advice any time it stops working for you.”
Mark Manson
“We tend to be most rigid in our identities in areas that we’ve been hurt the most. People who grow up in poverty tend to have the most inflexible views on money and wealth. People who grow up unattractive tend to have the most rigid views about appearance. These rigid views about ourselves and the world helped us survive at one point, but when held onto for too long, they eventually hold us back.”
Mark Manson
“Our definitions of ‘success’ are maybe the most common way we torture ourselves with arbitrary standards and made-up problems. It’s one reason I advise people to be careful and hold their goals lightly—because while goals may motivate you in the short run, a poorly defined version of success can really make you suffer in the long run.”
Mark Manson