Excerpt: A deeply insightful collection of quotes on trauma and healing from one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, Bessel van der Kolk.
“I have always wondered how parents come to abuse their kids. After all, raising healthy offspring is at the very core of our human sense of purpose and meaning. What could drive parents to deliberately hurt or neglect their children? Watching [Karlen Lyons-Ruth’s] videos provided me with one answer: I could see the children becoming more and more inconsolable, sullen, or resistant to their misattuned mothers. At the same time, the mothers became increasingly frustrated, defeated, and helpless in their interactions. Once the mother comes to see the child not as her partner in an attuned relationship but as a frustrating, enraging, disconnected stranger, the stage is set for subsequent abuse.”
Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score (Page 123) | ★ Featured on this book list.
Excerpt: Just as pain is an ongoing, inevitable part of life—so, too, should healing be. Read our 33 quotes on healing and adopt an ongoing practice.
Excerpt: From one of the most acclaimed books of our time, these 13 Tara Westover quotes from Educated are poignant, powerful, and well worth the read.
“I believe in tough love. But for tough love to work, love must come first. We must love tough to bring out the best in those who lead.”
Jon Gordon
At what point does “tough love” go from being “love that’s tough” to just being hurtful, mean, and even abusive behavior? It’s an important distinction to make because there is certainly a line between being tough out of love and being tough because of harbored inner hate—or lack of control.
In my estimation, I think Jon has it right in the quote above. In order for tough love to work, love must come first. The intention behind the action has to be mindfully channeled through love and has to be conscious and deliberate. When tough actions are taken without the mind, they are usually emotionally charged, disproportionately harsh, and later regretted. Then, after it’s all said and done, those actions are guised behind “tough love” and proper responsibility isn’t always taken.
Read More »Jon Gordon Quote on Tough Love and How Love Should Come First“Going forward it became very important to me to rehash my life, because when you examine your experiences with a fine-toothed comb and see where your issues come from, you can find strength in enduring pain and abuse. I realized that each episode of child abuse that could have killed me made me tough as hell and as sharp as a Samurai’s blade.” ~ David Goggins, Can’t Hurt Me
