QUESTION: We Can’t Be Self-Disciplined 100% Of The Time—So, How Much Can We Indulge?

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Excerpt: Self-Discipline is one of the key indicators of a person’s future success. But, can’t we indulge every now and again? If so, how much?

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If delaying gratification is almost always a good idea—in that it’s a clear investment into the greater rewards of the future—when, if ever, is it okay to simply, indulge? At some point we have to be able to loosen up, right? After all, too much work and no play makes us dull humans, eh? If all we ever do is delay our gratification into the future, doesn’t that mean gratification will always be out of our reach? When do we get to actually enjoy the little treats of life? Let’s dive in.

I remember Tony Robbins sharing a moment when he was out on a date and right as they were finishing eating dinner, the woman he was with asked him what he wanted for dessert. As completely normal as that sounds, what made the question interesting was that they had just spent a large portion of their night connecting over ideas of self-improvement, healthy living, and maximizing potential. And for her to ask that caught Tony off guard because it felt in contradiction to what they had just spend their night talking about. But, her simple response was, that’s all great and important but sometimes, you just have to live.

That stuck with me. Sometimes you just have to live. Now, being that I relate to that discipline and laser-like focus that Tony embodies, I felt the same kind of inner conflict to the dessert situation. Now, to be clear, I eat dessert. I don’t want it to sound like I don’t or I eat perfectly healthy—because that’s certainly not the case. What I was feeling resistance to, however, was that underlying question of, if we want to become our best, when, if ever, is it okay for us to deviate from the plan and indulge? Because in that context, it felt to me like the dessert was imposing on the aura of personal development.

To go back to the story, Tony agreed to dessert and—without sounding too crazy—I probably would have, too. But, with that decision, especially for someone who has battled against a slow metabolism for a majority of his life, comes careful follow-up thought. Where this mentality of, “sometimes you just have to live,” goes wrong is when, “sometimes” turns into a lot more than just “sometimes.” How one defines, “sometimes” is everything in this context. Because how you define “sometimes” is how your life will ultimately come to be defined.

And I don’t say this lightly—I say this in full confidence. A person’s ability to delay gratification has been proven to be an accurate predictor of their long-term success. And indulgence is the antithesis of delaying gratification. Too much indulgence is a reflection of too little discipline. And discipline is what leads to healthy living, financial freedom, and peace of mind. Those things certainly don’t just happen to a person who is living an undisciplined life. And so, back to the original question, when is it okay to loosen up and indulge?

I can only share what I have learned from personal experience that works for me. I implore you to reflect on what I’ve come up with and come up with a definition for “sometimes” that makes sense to you for your life. This certainly isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of formula. Here are some examples that work for me:

• “Sometimes” I take a rest day: 1 day/ week. The other 6 days I discipline myself to workout.
• “Sometimes” I sleep in: 1 day/week. “No alarm Sundays.” I look at it as my day to let my body catch up on whatever time I deprived it of during the week.
• “Sometimes” I have a cheat meal: 1 meal/ week. Not one day—one meal. For me, one day of cheating is too much. It literally takes me 3-4 days of super clean eating to recover from a whole day of cheating. So I dropped it to one meal. The rest of the time I eat foods that are healthy that I enjoy—so it’s not torturous.
• “Sometimes” I’ll skip a workout: Only ever as a last resort. If I’m sick or injured, I still workout—I just make it easier. If I’m running late, I exchange my “rest day” with that day instead. If I’m traveling, I come up with a modified workout that utilizes what I have available to me. And if I ever do miss a workout, I make sure I never, ever, miss two in a row.
• “Sometimes” I’ll binge watch a TV Show: Weekends only (during regular work weeks). I have an obsessive personality at times with things like video games and TV shows (that end with cliff hangers), so I have had to discipline myself to manage that urge. I quit video games 100% back in 2014. And I allow myself to indulge in 2-4 episodes of a series in a day—either Saturday or Sunday. Sometimes, even both.

And the list goes on, but this at least gives you an idea. The bottom line is, “sometimes” is clearly defined. And I highly recommend that you define “sometimes” in your life, too. Because, again, how you define “sometimes” is how your life will ultimately come to be defined. If you want to have the greatest possible future rewards that you can manage, then you need to delay gratification as much as you can possibly manage. And if you want to be able to enjoy the little treats in life, then you have to make sure your “sometimes” really is “sometimes” and not “all-of-the-times.”

This isn’t about sacrifice or being meticulous—it’s about living your life in clarity versus living in fog. It’s about making sure that your “sometimes” doesn’t take away from the product of your disciplines. “Sometimes” is foggy and can lead you to a destination you never wanted to arrive at. In debt. Overweight. Unhappy. You get the idea. A properly defined “sometimes,” however, can lead you right into the future where you’ve always wanted to be—treats included. So, what’ll it be?

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Read Next: 3 Steps to Leading a More Disciplined Life.

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