Top 5 Regrets of the Dying and Insights for Living

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Excerpt: At the end of life, the last thing you want to have is regrets. Learn from those who came before and read the top 5 regrets of the dying.

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Introduction: Learning from the most experienced on earth

Imagine having the role of alleviating and preventing suffering for people who are, knowingly, on their death bed.  They have only a short time left and your goal is to help them find peace.  Imagine the immensity of that experience; the magnitude of those few, precious moments.  Imagine the conversations.  How you might discuss the highs and lows, the good and bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the real and the fake, the memories and regrets.  Imagine what you could learn from such an experience.  I imagine it would be the passing along of life lessons in its most pure form; from the very soul of a person who is facing their death to one who has a life yet to be lived.

Bronnie Ware is a palliative nurse and experiences the above situation on a regular basis.  Luckily, she’s a blogger too.  She published an article that was inspired by the conversations she had with some of her patients.  Needless to say, the article is incredibly powerful and shares insights that could undoubtedly change the direction of a person’s life.  What’s important to do first, I believe, is to put yourself in the right state of mind.  If you just casually skim over information below, assuming that this is just another personal development article, you’ll likely miss its power.

As a Martial Arts Instructor I see this all of the time when teaching Self-Defense applications.  If you just go through the motions without mentally associating yourself to actually being in a self-defense situation, the motions are practiced out of context and may be rendered useless.  I want you to imagine that you are on your deathbed and you are the one facing their mortality.  Imagine that whatever you say next will be the last of your legacy.  This is it.  What would you say?  Now, luckily, the circumstances are different.  Bronnie has brought this incredible insight to us – and now is the time for us to read it and to be influenced by it.

Below you’ll find her list of the top 5 regrets of the dying.  This is by no means an all inclusive list and simply captures the five most common regrets that people have shared with her in their final moments.  She also noted that regret was just one of the many emotions each individual experienced.  And, what I found to be quite reassuring, something that Bronnie mentioned as a prelude in her article, was that every single one of her patients found their peace before they departed. “Every one of them.“

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The List: Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

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#5: “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.  When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.”

Bronnie Ware

#4: “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

“There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.  It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.”

Bronnie Ware

#3: “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.  We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.”

Bronnie Ware

#2: “I wish I didn’t work so hard.”

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.  By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.”

Bronnie Ware

#1: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.  It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

Bronnie Ware

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

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