“People come to me, they always say, ‘The other is not loving me.’ Nobody comes and says, ‘I am not loving the other.’ Love has become a demand: ‘The other is not loving me.’ Forget about the other! Love is such a beautiful phenomenon, if you love you will enjoy. And the more you love, the more you become lovable. The less you love and the more you demand that other should love you, the less and less you are lovable, the more and more you become closed, confined to your ego.”
Osho, Courage (Page 67)
Beyond the Quote (349/365)
Do for others that which you most want done for yourself. I cannot think of better advice for anyone who is looking to improve the relationships in their lives. The overwhelming majority seem to default to blaming and criticizing rather than relating and empathizing. You don’t often hear people say things like, “What am I doing wrong?” “How can I better love the other?” “How might I improve the way I treat them?” It is more often than not things like, “Look at all of these things they are doing wrong!” “Listen to all of these reasons on how they are not loving me!” “Let me vent to you about how poorly they are treating me.”
Love is too often seen as a demand: “The way they are acting isn’t in alignment with how I expect them to act and they need to fix it.” And blame, criticism, and gossip each become tools used to make those demands heard. This is not doing for others that which you most want done for yourself. This is demanding others to do for you that which you most want done for yourself. It is a selfish, one-sided perspective. You need to forget about the other and you need to focus on yourself and what you are doing.
But isn’t “forgetting about the other,” selfish advice? …No. When you obsess over the other—by analyzing their every move, imagining their every thought, assuming their every intention—you are sucked from your own world. You are no longer fully conscious of your own moves, thoughts, or intentions. How could you be? You’re trying to understand somebody’s entire existence and their reasons for acting the way they do. Do you even fully understand your own? It is incredibly complex. You need to take that finger that you are pointing at them and turn it back around at yourself. For, when you do, you might realize something remarkable.
The more you love, the more you will become lovable. Love is easy. It is an overflowing of joy, presence, warmth, and kindness. It’s one of our most natural states. It is the state that you defaulted to when you were a young child and your basic needs were met. It’s also the state you find yourself in when you’re playing with young children and you’re free of your mind and living in the moment. Or, really, when you’re free of your mind and living in the moment in general. Love isn’t the problem.
It’s loving another individual unconditionally that is hard. Every individual has individual needs and those needs are bound to clash and repel against the other’s at certain points along the line. It is the inevitability of two free, soul-searching individuals—for if the relationship is not composed of two people like that, what is it composed of? Relationships are not (should not be) agreements to become the other’s servant. It is a sharing of responsibilities, moments, and of what flowers as a result. The problem in modeling this mindset is that it can be very unnatural to remove your ego from certain situations and not take things personally when other people act against or away from you.
Like when a person decides to take out their frustrations on you unfairly. Or when they decide to pursue a job opportunity in a different state. Or when they say they want to have a night out with their friends, free of you. It’s in these moments that you have to always refocus on yourself and not get carried away in possessive or egotistical thinking. Live and let live. Do what will make you feel most whole and let them do what they feel will help them do the same. Just as you would want your partner to do for you. Not because you’re giving up on the relationship, but because you respect the individual pursuit of wholeness.
Read Next: 13 Provocative Osho Quotes on Love, Freedom, and Aloneness
NEW In The Shop: Don’t Let The Tame Ones Tell You How To Live [Poster]
Why We ♥ It: Some of the best advice I (Matt here) ever got was: don’t take life advice from people who aren’t living a life you want to live and don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t go to for advice. I created this poster to act as a reminder to listen more closely to our role models and less closely to our critics, trolls, and tamed-comfort-zone-hugger acquaintances. It’s also a perfect gift for the outdoor adventurer, travel enthusiast, or solo explorer (or soon to be). Available in print or digital download. 👇🏼
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Written by Matt Hogan
Founder of MoveMe Quotes. On a mission to help busy people do inner work—for better mental health; for healing; for personal growth. Find me on Twitter / IG / Medium. I also share daily insights here. 🌱
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