“When we raise our expectations for a student, a friend or a co-worker, we open the door to possibility. We offer them dignity and a chance to grow. We are offering them trust. But if we become attached to those expectations, if the expectation unmet leads us to distress or unhappiness, then that attachment undermines the very reason we created the expectation in the first place.”
Seth Godin
“The continuing struggle was once described in the following metaphor by a patient who had successfully completed a long course of psychotherapy: ‘I came to therapy hoping to receive butter for the bread of life. Instead, at the end, I emerged with a pail of sour milk, a churn, and instructions on how to use them.'”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 138)
“We each learned again a bit more clearly that our old problems would remain temptations to messing-up for the rest of our lives, that we must each remember to remember that we will never be beyond error. Nothing important gets solved once and for all, finally and forever.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 138)
“Always love something higher than yourself, and you will never be in trouble; always love something bigger than yourself. People tend to love something lower than themselves, something smaller than themselves. You can control the smaller, you can dominate the smaller, and you can feel very good with the inferior, because it makes you look superior—then the ego is fulfilled. And once you start creating ego out of your love, then you are bound for hell. Love something higher, something bigger, something in which you will be lost and that you cannot control; you can only be possessed by it, but you cannot possess it. Then the ego disappears, and when love is without ego, it is prayer.”
Osho, Everyday Osho (Page 145)
“When a psychotherapy patient does do the work of facing up to some of what he must endure, he is often rewarded by a sense of increased freedom and joy. However, as he comes to realize that there will be no light without some darkness, no rest without further toil, he may balk disappointedly to find that troubles never end. New solutions lead to new problems. New freedom leads to new responsibilities.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 136)
“[The patient] was sure that if he worked hard enough, suffered long enough, or (failing that) at least if he were to be rescued by me, then Nirvana could be his. He can bear his pain for a while if only someday, someway, he will be able to reach a state of blissful perfection, a time when he will have no more conflicts, anxieties, or uncertainties. As I come toppling down off the pedestal on which he has placed me, he is horrified to learn that enlightenment does not provide perfection. Instead, it simply offers the pedestrian possibility of living with the acceptance of imperfection.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 134)
“Patients are often disappointed to learn that I too wander unredeemed, that I am no better off than they are. Eventually, they may realize comfort implied in my turning out to be just another struggling human being. At least then I can bring a fellow-pilgrim sort of understanding to his journey. Recognition of my all-too-obvious fallibility can provide the relief of learning that some happiness is possible without his having to reach some state of perfection.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 134)
“The psychotherapy patient will have to learn to fend for himself, to become a lonely wayfarer whose whole life becomes one long, transforming pilgrimage. Being in treatment may show him the way he is to journey, but it will be up to him to reclaim his salvation continually by remaining on the march for the rest of his life.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 130)
“Bad character might drive someone into a position of leadership—because of their ambition, their ruthlessness, their shamelessness—but eventually, inevitably, this supposed ‘strength’ becomes an Achilles’ heel when it comes time to actually do the job. Who trusts them? Who actually wants to work with them? What kind of culture develops around them? How can they learn? How can they know where the landmines are?”
Ryan Holiday
“The only way to be saved is to spend your lifetime on a pilgrimage.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 128)
“Confronting one’s own personal garbage is the way to begin.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 126)
“As a therapist, I do not consider myself a ‘Shrink.’ I wish to help expand consciousness, not to diminish it. I am not interested in getting people to ‘adjust’ to our rather unsatisfactory culture. At the same time, I am not a ‘Radical Therapist’ preaching revolution and social change. Instead, I hope to help the pilgrims who seek my guidance to see that all rules are mere conventions, games that one can play or not. It is only necessary to recognize that they are games, to do what you wish, and to face the consequences of your behavior.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 117)
“If we flee from the evil in ourselves, we do it at our hazard. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation. To live without the creative potential of our own destructiveness is to be a cardboard angel.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 109)
“When we lay claim to the evil in ourselves, we no longer need fear its occurring outside of our control. For example, a patient comes into therapy complaining that he does not get along well with other people; somehow he always says the wrong thing and hurts their feelings. He is really a nice guy, just has this uncontrollable, neurotic problem. What he does not want to know is that his ‘unconscious hostility’ is not his problem, it’s his solution. He is really not a nice guy who wants to be good; he’s a bastard who wants to hurt other people while still thinking of himself as a nice guy. If the therapist can guide him into the pit of his own ugly soul, then there may be hope for him. Once this pilgrim can see how angry and vindictive he is, he can trace his story and bring it to the light, instead of being doomed to relive it without awareness. Nothing about ourselves can be changed until it is first accepted.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 108)
“No patient in psychotherapy can recover his own beauty and innocence without first facing the ugliness and evil in himself. [Carl] Jung tells us we have ‘dealt the devil… [no] serious blow by calling him neurosis.'”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 105)
“It is a great insight to come to—that you don’t love yourself. It is really hard to love oneself, because we have been taught to condemn ourselves and not to love. We have been taught that we are sinners. We have been taught that we are not of any worth. Because of that it has become difficult to love. How can you love a worthless person? How can you love somebody who is already condemned? But it will come. If the insight that you do not love yourself has come, there is nothing to be worried about. One window has opened. You will not be inside the room for long—you will jump out. Once you know the open sky, you cannot remain confined in a stale world. You will come out of it.”
Osho, Everyday Osho (Page 141)
“What a waste of her life to spend herself trying to be something good enough for mother, when she was already good enough. Nothing could ever be good enough to finally satisfy such a mother. If she can face what a fool she has been to have tried and tried to transform her vitality into a power that would make this insatiable mother happy, she may then be able to reclaim her power for herself. She never had any real power over mother, or over the feelings of anyone else. Her only real power lies in taking charge of her own life, enjoying being who she is, and making her life as meaningful as she can for herself, whatever others may or may not expect of her.”
Sheldon B. Kopp, If You Meet Buddha On The Road, Kill Him! (Page 88)