Maya Angelou Quote on Legacy and What People Most Remember About You

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Maya Angelou

Beyond the Quote (326/365)

For as much as I work with quotes, you’d think I’d be better at remembering exactly what people said—I don’t. There are phrases, of course, that have stuck with me for one poignant or arbitrary reason or another, but I undoubtedly forget more than I remember. Heck, I can’t even quote myself for more than a few sentences! Think about the last time you tried to memorize a speech… how much of it could you memorize? Quoting is hard. People will (mostly) forget what you said.

What speaks louder than words? Actions, of course. So, is it what you do that makes the difference in people’s minds? Will people remember every time you reached out to them? Will they remember all of the times you hung out? Will they remember all of the things you bought for them on their birthdays and holidays? Maybe some details from those events and actions, but certainly not all of them. Especially not if it’s in reference to a long standing relationship that has a lot of history. Why? Because most of what happens day by day fades as time passes.

Details get fuzzy. Stories get mixed up. Black-and-white becomes gray when mixed in with the abstract notions of memory. When people say they can’t even remember what they had for lunch a few days ago—that’s really how it goes. What people do for themselves and others eventually gets swept up into the totality of their past that contains their entire past existence. And what you did by contrast is just a microcosm of that entirety. People will (mostly) forget what you did.

So, what speaks louder than actions then? How is it that you best remember other people? Have you ever asked someone who was visibly upset with another person what happened, only to hear them rummage around for details that they couldn’t exactly remember? While the words and the actions might’ve been unclear, what was always clear as day for them in that situation? …How that person made them feel, of course. THAT is what people will ALWAYS remember—the feelings that came up as a result of that other person’s behavior.

Details blur away in our minds, but feelings are everlasting. The specific details that could be remembered are infinite, but the list of feelings that we could associate to people is comparatively short. Sure, words and actions contribute to how we make others feel, but they are not the end-all be-all. What matters is our intention; our authenticity; our compassion; our vulnerability; our warmth; our attentiveness; our care. What matters is what’s behind the words and actions.

Because when “what’s behind” is in alignment, what I’ve found is that the words and actions take care of themselves. Get it backwards, though, and try to manipulate words and actions to amplify or expedite your impact and it will surely backfire. Only real begets real. Artificial begets artificial. Fake begets fake. Real impacts are made from real efforts. Artificial impacts are made from artificial efforts. And no real impact is made from fake efforts—because we humans are pretty good at sniffing out fake. Fake might even have an opposite reaction and cause a negative impact.

If you want to be a person whom people remember, then remember the person whom you want to be and embody it. Think about the things you would want people to say about you at your funeral and live by those words while you’re still alive. When thinking about your legacy, think less about what you need to say and do exactly, and focus more on what’s behind the words and actions. Because people will undoubtedly forget most of what you said and did anyway, but they will always remember (exactly) how you made them feel.

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