“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.”
Jill Churchill
Beyond the Quote (128/365)
There’s too much pressure on being perfect. Mostly, pressure that we put on ourselves. We want to look perfect—not only in our eyes, but in the eyes of others. We want to act perfectly—to never make a mistake or do something that we might otherwise regret. We want to feel that perfection of inner balance and inner peace—to never lose ourselves emotionally or show any kind of weakness. The problem with this kind of perfection seeking behavior is in how it hinders us more than it helps us.
“The relentless pursuit of perfection.” That’s one of the mottos for Lexus. Maybe you’ve heard it. If not from them, then I’m sure you’ve heard similar phrases and slogans from other people and brands. “Perfection is the aim, even if you miss, you’ll land in excellence,” right? Well, I wouldn’t be so sure. Having an aim is always a good idea. But aiming for something that is so contradictory to our nature, I’m not so sure is ever a good idea.
What happens when you aim at something and miss? Well, if you have some perseverance, you might try again. And what if you miss again? Well, I suppose you put the perseverance to the test. What if you miss 100 times? At this point, I would think you might want to reevaluate your aim or methods (or both). What if you miss every single day of your life, hundreds of times per day? Well, you’d either have to have a ton of grit or a ton of blind stupidity to continue working towards that aim. There’s a point of diminishing returns where you have to consider if your actions are the issue or the aim.
In this case, it’s obvious that the aim of perfection is the issue. By aiming for something that is contradictory to the nature of what we can achieve, we literally set out on a journey forward with our heads on backwards. If your goal is looking perfect, yet you look in the mirror and find imperfections every day, hundreds of times per day? How does that serve you? If your goal is wanting to act perfectly in all situations, yet you make mistakes every day, hundreds of times per day? How does that sit with your conscience? If your goal is wanting to feel the perfection of inner peace, yet you get emotionally polarized every day, hundreds of times per day? Where’s the benefit in that gap?
We need to change our minds about our aims.
Rather than aim for what’s contradictory, you need to aim for what’s in alignment with your nature: aim to be the best YOU, you can be. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s the truth. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today. Stop nit-picking the little perfections that you see scattered across your screens and comparing them to your insecurities. How does that serve you? It doesn’t. It makes you feel bad, unworthy, ungrateful, and leaves you in poor state of mind. If you want to be better today than you were yesterday, you need to protect your state of mind and stay focused on improving.
And there are a million ways to improve and become a better person. That’s the beauty of imperfect progress. Perfection implies that everything is as good as it possibly could be. This, of course, isn’t only contradictory to what’s possible, but, put simply, is a stupid thing to aim for. We should aim to improve ourselves at our own pace, in our own ways, following our own intuition, with our own people, and with our own unique sets of available resources. This is what gives us ownership over our paths in life—the fact that we can (and must) choose to pursue one type of “better” over another. This is where we find our unique pockets of meaning that nobody else can find. This is how we live the life that we are most ready to lead.
A special acknowledgment:
To all of the parents out there—both moms and dads alike—thank you. The pressure of parenting is one of the most real pressures in life. Because who cares if you mess up your own path, but the path of your child? A path for an innocent that YOU are fully responsible for? That’s a responsibility that can’t be easily dismissed. And the pressure to be perfect can come screaming into your lives every day, hundreds of times per day—but remember, it’s an illusion. None of us are perfect. No parent is perfect. We’re all just doing the best we can. And there’s a million ways to do that. Focus on doing a few good things out of those millions of options every day, and you’ll be well on your way to being as “perfect” in the eyes of your children as you might ever hope to be. Maybe we could all work to do a few more good things like that, too? I think that’d be a good aim for us all. Good luck.
Read Next: 10 Empowering Brené Brown Quotes from The Gifts of Imperfection
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
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