How To Deal With People Who Annoy, Frustrate, and/or Upset You

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Excerpt: Learn how to deal with people who annoy, frustrate, and/or upset you by mastering this one simple, yet powerful mindset technique. Enjoy!

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In order to change the world we see we need to change the way we see.

Imagine that everyone is enlightened except you. That’s right, the 3 year old screaming child, the moody teenager, the guy that cuts you off in traffic, and the arrogant businessman all have a deeper understanding of life than you. The reason they act the way they do is so that they may teach you a lesson in life. Sound strange? …Let’s look a little deeper.

How might a 3 year old screaming child teach you a lesson in enlightenment?  Child screams can be so abrupt, obnoxious, and irritating that you might find your inner weather shift from sunny and happy to thunder storming and agitated in the blink of an eye (or the opening of a child’s mouth). But if you learn how to master your inner weather, no amount of screaming will be able to mess up your inner zen. Maybe that screaming child is teaching you a lesson in patience, compassion, and mastering your inner weather.

What about the moody teenager who keeps swinging from one extreme state to the other?  Moods are contagious. When you’re around a person who is down in the dumps, it’s hard to fly high in the sky. When you’re around a person who is up and down and all around with their mood, it can be hard to not be affected by their vibrations. But let’s not forget that the same is true the other way around! Instead of being affected by them, be the one who does the affecting. This is an opportunity to be water, my friend – and move, bend, and adjust to their swings, jabs, and attacks in mood. Maybe that moody teenager is teaching you to be the eye in the storm – calm, patient, and stable in the midst of chaos.

You’re telling me that the guy who cuts me off in traffic and the arrogant businessman have something to teach me too? Maybe they both are living examples of what not to do or how not to act. Getting cut off in traffic and speaking to a person who speaks in a condescending tone towards you probably boils your blood – but now you know how not to act yourself.  I can’t tell you how many life lessons and mastery mindsets I’ve learned from mentally noting what not to do from other people’s behavior.

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The mastery mindset is that everybody has something to teach us—no exceptions.

As mentioned above, the idea is that everyone from kids—who are incredible sources of zen knowledge and experts at staying in the present moment and staying in touch with your emotions; to peers at a similar stage in life talking with you about their latest health improvement strategies; to people who are more experienced showing you the way and offering you insight that is unique to the chaos of the moment—may provide you with life energy and motivation to keep moving forward.  

From those with experience, we learn from the outside-in; from those without experience, we learn from the inside-out. Outside-in learning happens when a teacher presents to a student a lesson and the student absorbs what’s being taught. This is the more obvious type of learning that takes place when you’re in a classroom, when you’re hearing out your parents, when you’re reading a book, etc. Anytime you accept knowledge/ wisdom/ insight from an outside source you’re practicing outside-in learning.

On the flip side, there’s inside-out learning which happens when you ask yourself if what the teacher just taught makes sense, and you question the information against your life experiences. This type of learning only happens when you ask yourself the right question(s) and is available to you every second of every minute, every day.

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What exactly is the right question?

…Well, that’s for you to explore, of course. The important thing is that you’re asking yourself where the lesson is in every circumstance—and I can guarantee you, there’s a lesson in every circumstance—rather than whining, blaming, criticizing, judging, and yelling. Move and interact with the world with a sense of curiosity and inquisitiveness in everything that you do. Maintain the mindset of the Buddha, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” You’ll find yourself learning and growing (and feeling more enlightened) at an increasing rate every day you keep this in mind.

This may sound obvious but is worth stating again, that the lessons of life cannot be found in cut-and-dry, chalk and blackboard, textbook and binder sources only. They can only be obtained when the student is ready to learn them and the opportunity to dig deeper is taken. When the student is ready, the teacher will arrive. And sometimes, the best teacher, of course, is life herself.