Eckhart Tolle Quote on Understanding Who You Are and How You Might Best Influence Others

“Who you are is always a more vital teaching and a more powerful transformer of the world than what you say, and more essential even than what you do.”

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Page 202)

Beyond the Quote (257/365)

But, isn’t what we say and what we do, who we are? Sure, our words and actions are key indicators of our identity, but what Tolle points out as being even more important is the intention behind the words and actions. It’s in how we say what we say and in how we do what we do that makes all of the difference. This is a crucial understanding because therefore, it’s the how that points us to understanding who we are.

Who am I? One of the classic hair pulling questions of any person’s life. How to answer such a vague, open ended, massive question without wanting to pull your hair out? Well, one avenue to explore is in that invisible force that lies behind your words and actions—your “hows.” Who are you around when your words and actions are authentic and well intentioned? Where are you? What are you doing? What’s happening around you? Then, answer the same questions for when your words and actions are fake and ill intentioned.

This is a good starting point to understanding who you are. Let’s dive into some examples. First, let’s look at the difference intention can make. Reading a book because it’s required versus reading a book because the topic intrigues you. It could be the same book, but the latter will definitely point you more clearly to who you are. Calling someone because you miss them and want to catch up versus calling someone only because you need something from them. Who you miss and how you show it matters. Along the same lines, being nice to someone just to be nice versus being nice to someone to manipulate them into doing something for you. How you treat people—all people—even those who can’t do anything for you, matters—and it reveals who you are.

Next, let’s explore what intentions might reveal to us about our surroundings. If you find yourself being rude, short tempered, ill mannered, or otherwise nasty—usually there’s an underlying cause. It’s possible that it’s a natural response to a hostile, cold, fake environment—a defense mechanism if you will. You might also explore which types of people make you act that way. It’s possible that they demean, demand, and aggravate those types of responses from you. Moreover, you should check the activities happening around you. It’s also possible that nearby gossiping, repugnant news, trash talking, and/or arrogant/ dismissive leadership is making you feel that kind of way. Furthermore, it’s important to note that this could be happening in present time or could be the product of what has happened in past times.

The above step is important to take because when you can identify the causes of that type of rude, short, nasty behavior, then you can begin to work on the solution. You can cut those types of people out (or limit the time you spend with them). You can change environments (or change how you manage your time throughout the day). And you can effectively start implementing the opposite. You can start surrounding yourself with people who boost you, in places that make you feel welcomed and comfortable, while doing activities that challenge you in all of the best ways. What you’ll notice is that who you are in each of these types of situations might be completely different.

That’s the real challenge with answering the question of, “Who am I”—it’s always shifting. How could it not? The world around us is always shifting and we’re adapting to overcome the challenges that those shifts present. While we can’t always control our environment and the people we’re surrounded by every day, what we can control are our words, actions, and more importantly—our intentions. We can confront and deal with our pent-up emotions. We can learn how to become more compassionate, patient, and charitable. We can follow the golden rule. And we can slowly, slowly regain control over that invisible force that pushes our words and actions out into the world and learn to step our best foot forward into that forever shifting landscape.

You’re the only one who can do this. Nobody else can see, touch, or understand your invisible intentions but you. This also means that, if nobody else can affect your intentions, then who you are is for you, and only you, to decide. Not your parents. Not your family. Not your friends. Not your teachers. Not your mentors or idols. You. And let me be clear, decide—not discover. And with that great power comes one of the greatest responsibilities of your lifetime. Will you devote your time, energy, and effort every day to becoming the best version of yourself you can be? Or will you let your time, energy, and effort get used, abused, directed, and controlled by other people? If you don’t decide to take control of your future, then somebody else will—and I can promise you that it won’t be as fulfilling as it would be if it was decided by you. Good luck.

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