Stop Associating Being A Good Person With How Much You’re Willing To Suffer In Silence

“Can we please stop associating being a good person with how much you’re willing to suffer in silence for other people? You can be a kind person and still say, ‘No, I don’t have the time/energy to help you with that.’ You can be a kind person and still say, ‘This makes me uncomfortable, please stop.’ You can be a kind person and still say, ‘I disagree, and here’s why,’ you can be kind and still say, ‘I’m not okay with this.’ Being kind is about treating people with kindness and respect, not about being the human equivalent of a doormat.”

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Beyond the Quote (Day 409)

Nobody wants to be a doormat. Doormats have no boundaries. They get walked all over by anyone and everyone. They are used whether it’s morning or night; hot or cold; wet or dry; muddy or icy. Doormats suffer in silence for the convenience of all. They’ll never turn you away, disagree with the conditions of your shoes, say how they feel, or tell you it’s not an okay time. Being a doormat is not being a good person; being a doormat is demeaning to your person. Don’t be a doormat—be a door, instead.

Doors are the sacred protectors of our homes. They draw a clear boundary between who is allowed in and who should stay out. The only people who are allowed in are those who we choose to let in. If we don’t have the time/energy to answer the door—we don’t. If someone comes to our door that makes us uncomfortable—we tell them to please stop and close it (maybe with the use of different words). If we decide to let them in, we can agree, disagree, connect, or quarrel and know that when we’re done, our door will be there to reestablish our boundaries.

You wouldn’t let just anyone into your home, right? You wouldn’t stand by and watch someone wreck, muddy, and ruin your sacred space of living while you suffered silently in the background, would you? Of course not. Well, why then do you let people do just that to the home of your mind? …The home where you spend more time than your physical home? This is where kindness gets commonly misunderstood.

Nobody looks at doors as being “unkind” and boundaries aren’t seen as “disrespectful.” In fact, they’re commonly seen as the opposite: a sign of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth. It’s the homes that have no doors—only doormats saying “welcome”—that are treated poorly and without care or concern. Homes are treated according to how they are kept. Try to make your home appealing and convenient to all and it will get used, abused, and walked all over. Make your home into a place where people knock mindfully, ask politely, enter caringly, speak thoughtfully, and act accordingly—and so it will be.

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P.s. This post became the introduction for: The Ultimate Boundary Builder List – 101 Quotes On Boundaries To Take You From Zero to Boundary Hero

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