“The best way to keep a memory of a person [who has passed away], the best remembrance, is to see if you can carry on the wishes of that person.”
Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness
Beyond the Quote (144/365)
I would go one step further and say that the best remembrance is, not just to carry on the wishes of the person who passed, but to embody the best of who that person was. Wishes come from a place of deep and personal desire—they are goals derived from a person’s unique characteristic makeup. Who a person is isn’t a reflection of these wishes—their thoughts—but rather is a reflection of the actions they took throughout their life. Wishes are inside a person’s mind, character is reflected in the actions of their body. We can only interpret and truthfully judge the latter.
Sometimes, however, you do know the person’s wishes and they align with your own—this makes for a great way to remember them by allowing you to live out the realization of that wish in their spirit. Sometimes, their wishes and your wishes don’t align. And that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel obligated to fulfill someone else’s wishes if they are not also your own. Your life should be lived for your wishes and your wishes alone. But, more often than not, in my estimation, one of the unfortunate realities that many of us face in times of death, is that we aren’t quite sure what people’s explicit wishes were at all. It’s not a conversation that many of us have with our loved ones. Death, for many people, is taboo conversation.
This is where the idea of embodying the best characteristics of a person comes from. Each of us perceives other people differently. And what we perceive of a person isn’t associated with their wishes, per se, but rather with their actions. When you think about it, action is the only criteria we can ever use to judge other people simply because we can’t read what’s going on in their minds. We can never know for sure what another person’s intentions, feelings, or wishes/ desires are. We might guess, assume, or trust their word, but we can never know for certain. We can only judge them, for sure, based on what they do (and the same is true in how others judge you).
So, what do we do when a loved one passes? I don’t think we’re ever ready for one of our loved ones to pass—it always feels too soon. When it happens though—because it will happen—spend some time replaying in your mind, the highlight reel of who they were, as expressed through their actions, from your perspective. Think about the things they did that made you laugh. Think about some of the best times you both shared. Think about some of the worse times that you both made it through together. Think about the impact they’ve had on your character. Think about what made them tick, what they stood for, and what they valued. Think about why you loved them.
Once you have that highlight reel playing back clearly in your mind, reflect deeply on what parts of them you want to embody and carry on as their legacy. Ask yourself: What parts of them do I wish more people could’ve seen? What did they do that I wish more people could’ve felt? What would they say that I wish more people could’ve heard? They can. Through you. It’s the only real thing that is ever left behind after a person passes—their spirit as it is expressed through the people who knew them. It’s no easy task. But, if you want to keep their spirit alive after they pass, this is the way. This is the task. This is their greatest legacy.
Read Next: 15 Thich Nhat Hanh Quotes on Embracing Death and How it Helps Unlock Happiness
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
Join our newsletter and get the BEST of what we post every week. Here's an example. Like? Sign up.
[amp-optin id=42297]