Borrowing Strength Builds Weakness – A Lesson From My 104 Year Old Grandmother

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Excerpt: The strongest people in life are the ones who have endured the most. This lesson learned from a 104 year old shines a light on just that.

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“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out from the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

The strongest people in life are the ones who have endured the most. Whether by choice or through life circumstance, strength comes as a result of confronting and overcoming difficulties and challenges.

How does a person strengthen their body? By challenging it through exercise. How does a person strengthen their mind? By challenging it through expansive thinking. How does a person strengthen their spirit? By challenging it through inward reflection.

These aren’t the only methods, of course.

Life is full of challenging opportunities through which you can become a stronger person… But I’m sure you already knew that (we have all faced our fair share of challenges). The difference then, between those who are strong and those who are not is how they choose to respond to challenge.

Allow me to introduce Midge:

Midge is my 104 year old great grandmother who passed away in January of 2015. She was known for her incredibly loving and warm presence and acted as a source of comfort and strength to many throughout her lifetime—even in her latest years.

She was always sharp as a tac, was rumored to have been made of iron (and for good reason as you’ll see below!), and knew how to keep moving forward in the face of adversity.

She lost her mom when she was 8 years old, survived colon cancer, survived complete kidney failure, recovered from a broken femur (at age 101!), and made it through several intense bouts of pneumonia (just to name a few)—and was still able to radiate such love, compassion, and strength to the family and friends that surrounded her.

She did this, as she said, by focusing not on what she had lost but on what she still had. The last memory I have with her exemplifies this spirit perfectly.

On Christmas evening of 2014, she was escorted to my house for Christmas dinner by my grandmother (that’s right… she came over to my house!) and was faced with the daunting task of climbing several steep steps.

Readied to help her in any way we could, another gentlemen (Scott) and I, escorted her from the car to the doorsteps and asked her what she wanted to do.

She replied very matter-of-factly, “Okay honey, I’m going to lift my leg up as high as I can and I want you to lift it up for the remaining distance if I get stuck.” With a little hesitancy I asked if she would rather Scott and I carried her up the stairs.

She turned down the idea and almost immediately started lifting her knee at the first step. And so she did, and I did, and she walked herself up the stairs and into my living room for Christmas dinner. Without even as much as a whimper.

Borrowing strength builds weakness

That wasn’t just an instance but an attitude and a way in which she lived her life. She rarely complained and always did as much as she could on her own. It would have been so easy for her to simply call it quits on so many occasions and to have asked for the care and strength of others—and nobody would have blamed her!

But she didn’t and so we didn’t. She chose to live on her own terms and to do what she could with what she had and lived a very strong and fulfilled life because of it (I personally believe it to be one of the secrets to longevity).

And so, when you’re presented with a challenge, don’t try and pass it on to another person—even if they’re stronger, better, or more experienced than you. Be like Midge and choose to rise up to the challenge and expand—not fall victim to the circumstance and vegetate.

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Related: 15 Quotes on Being Strong and How Borrowing Strength Builds Weakness ↗

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More life examples to consider:

– Passing up the opportunity to speak publicly. Speaking publicly builds confidence.

– Letting the more experienced people do the critical thinking. Critical thinking teaches you how to solve problems.

– Telling a lie when telling the truth is really hard. Telling the truth builds trust.

– Having the biggest and strongest always do the heavy lifting. Heavy lifting makes you stronger.

– Letting somebody else do the tedious work. Doing the tedious work builds up discipline.

– Choosing not to go out of your way to help a friend/ colleague/ family member. Going out of your way to help others builds rapport and stronger relationships.

– Choosing to ignore the extra credit and bonus work. Doing the ‘extra’ work is what leads people from ordinary to extraordinary.

– Letting somebody else show initiative and get done what needs to get done without being prompted. Showing initiative and getting things done first promotes leadership.

– Deciding to skip out on classes, workouts, or meetings because you’re tired, lazy, or hungry. Getting done what you know needs to get done, even when you don’t want to, is the key to success.

– Postponing and choosing to ignore the tough conversations. Through the tough conversations you gain a better understanding of who you are, who they are, how people communicate, and tactics for having meaningful conversations.