Excerpt: We are in the midst of a battle against distractions—and many of us are losing. Read our 25 quotes on the power of focus and fight back.
“Life is full of unforeseen detours. Circumstances happen which seem to completely cut across our plans. Learn to turn your detours into delights. Treat them as special excursions and learning tours. Don’t fight them or you will never learn their purpose. Enjoy the moments and pretty soon you will be back on track again, probably wiser and stronger because of your little detour.”
Steve Penny
In his book, Essential Zen Habits, Leo Babauta shares a mental analogy that can help you stay on track towards accomplishing your goals—or better yet, not stay on “track” at all yet continue heading in the direction of your goals in a more flexible, effective manner. You see, for many people, the idea of a plan gets equated to mental “train tracks” that get laid out so that you, the train, can power forward in a smooth, straight line down the track towards your destination.
Read More »Steve Penny Quote on Embracing Unforeseen Detours Rather Than Fighting Them“In order to make a relationship last, you really have to flow with a person as they change. Give them space. My friend always told me about his grandfather who was with his wife for 60 years before she passed. His grandfather said that through all that time, his wife changed so much it felt like he had been with 8 different people by the end. But he said the secret to making it last was that through all those changes, he never suffocated his wife with his own idea of who he expected her to be. Rather he loved, fully, every new woman she became.”
Unknown
Don’t suffocate your loved ones. The more they feel suffocated, the more space they will need to breathe. The more tightly you squeeze them, the more freedom they will need. The more smothered they feel with expectations, the more resistance and disappointment you both will feel. Love should not be suffocating; it should be spacious. Love should not be limiting; it should be enabling. Love should not be expected; it should be given—unconditionally and in full.
Read More »Quote on Loving People Without Placing Expectations On Them Of Who You Think They Should Be“Remember, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude. Change how you see things. Look for the good in all situations. Take the lesson and find new opportunities to grow. Let all the extra stress, worrying and overthinking go.”
Unknown
The above quote can be boiled down the following idea: accept what you cannot change, take control of what you can, do what you need to do to figure out which category each situation in your life falls, and act accordingly. If you never make the connection that a given situation is out of your control, then you might drive yourself mad in trying to change it. If you don’t even realize that a situation is within your control (or that at least part of it is) and you act as though it’s not, you might be suffering unnecessarily as a result.
Read More »Quote on Managing Stress By Controlling What You Can and Letting Go Of What You Can’t
Excerpt: These Rupi Kaur quotes from Milk and Honey go deep into the journey of love and discuss loneliness, relationships, breakups, healing, and more.
“People tend to look at successful writers, writers who are getting books published and maybe even doing well financially, and think that they sit down at their desks every morning feeling like a million dollars, feeling great about who they are and how much talent they have and what a great story they have to tell; that they take a few deep breaths, push back their sleeves, roll their necks a few times to get all the cricks out, and dive in, typing fully formed passages as fast as a court reporter. But this is just fantasy of the uninitiated. I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts… For me and most other writers I know, writing is not rapturous. If fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts.”
Anne Lamott
For all of you who are intimidated by the dreaded blank page and have insecurities and self-doubts about writing (or creating in general), let me reassure you: we ALL start out with really, really shitty first drafts. Not even the best writers in the world (the ones who you envision typing out those perfect, fully formed passages as fast as a court reporters can type) write their final copy on their first try. It just doesn’t happen. So, drop the expectation that you’ll be able to do that yourself (sorry not sorry)!
Read More »Anne Lamott Quote on Writing Really Poorly Before You Ever Write Anything Good“That’s been one of my mantras—focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”
Steve Jobs
Read First: Steve Jobs Quote on Focus and Working Hard To Keep Thinking Clean (Part 1)
Once we become aware of the fact that we’re in the midst of a full-blown battle for attention and that we’re literally being wired to enjoy distractions, we can start taking the proper steps to regain control. If we don’t even know we’re in a battle or that we’re being rewired, after all, how can we know to do anything about it? If we want to produce the best work of our lives then blocking out distractions and focusing our attention on the deep and thoughtful type of work is key.
Read More »Steve Jobs Quote on Simplicity and How Simple Can Be Harder Than Complex“That’s been one of my mantras—focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”
Steve Jobs
The ability to focus, or more clearly stated, the ability to block out distractions—especially in today’s world—is absolutely critical in producing the best work of your life. Think about it. Distractions are the things that take your attention elsewhere—away from what it should be/ could be doing. And when your attention is over there, it’s certainly not over here—focused on the deep, thoughtful work that requires long chains of uninterrupted time for thought, flow, play, introspection, and execution. And the more that your attention ends up over there in distraction, either deliberately or unexpectedly, the work you could be doing over here gets sidetracked and lost.
Read More »Steve Jobs Quote on Focus and Working Hard To Keep Thinking Clean
Excerpt: Want to master the art of love? Start here. These 12 quotes from The Mastery of Love are elegant, insightful, and ready for pondering.
“Use mistakes as feedback. They’re not signs that you’re a bad person or have no discipline. They’re signs that you need to adjust.”
Leo Babauta, Essential Zen Habits (Page 71)
In his book, Essential Zen Habits, Leo Babauta shares a simple story about mistakes that might help you shift your paradigm from looking at mistakes as catastrophic failures to seeing them as opportunities for indispensable feedback. Imagine you are walking across a pond using a small stone path. It’s not the most stable path and it zig zags across the water, but can none-the-less get you to the other side. If you wanted to get to the other side safely and dry, you would have to carefully place each step and make the proper balance adjustments along the way (I believe in you).
Read More »Leo Babauta Quote on Using Mistakes As Feedback“Make it a habit to monitor your mental-emotional state through self-observation. ‘Am I at ease at this moment?’ is a good question to ask yourself frequently. Or you can ask: ‘What’s going on inside me at this moment?’ Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.”
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Page 77)
For so many of us, the gap between an outside stimulus and our response is immediate and reflexive. We react with the immediate feelings and emotions that arise without really knowing what those feelings and emotions even are—until after the fact. Acting and then thinking has it’s time and it’s place, but so does thinking and then acting. Get it wrong and things could get far more complicated and challenging than they need to.
Read More »Eckhart Tolle Quote on Monitoring Your Mental-Emotional State To Keep Your Inside Right“Self-reflection has turned out to be one of my most powerful tools in changing my life. It becomes a mirror that helps you see what’s going on in your life, that keeps you from making the same mistakes over and over again, from being on autopilot and failing to course-correct. Having a blog with readers is like having a journal on steroids—it forces you to reflect on what you’re doing in your life, because if you’re going to share what you’re learning with other people, you first have to reflect on what you’ve learned.”
Leo Babauta, Essential Zen Habits (Page 50)
Creating space for self-reflective thinking is crucial for self-improvement. If you want to live your best life, you have to take time on a regular basis to take a good look at where you are, where you are going, what has happened, what those “happenings” mean, and what needs to be adjusted so that you can keep moving forward.
Read More »Leo Babauta Quote on How Self-Reflection Changed His Life“The universal truth is beyond question – the only people who excel are those who have decided to do so.” ~ Seth Godin
Excelling is optional. And so is the opposite. The path of least resistance is the path most people decide to follow. Why wouldn’t that be the case? Naturally, we are lazy creatures. We’re wired to conserve energy—both by expending less (moving less) and storing more (fat on your body)—so that we don’t starve to death if we can’t get more food. These were critical adaptations that were made over the course of our existence as humans that kept us alive during harsh periods of existence.
Read More »Seth Godin Quote on Making The Decision To Excel“Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.”
Viktor Frankl
Having an aim in life is important. Aim gives direction and direction gives energy, effort, and resources a focused purpose. Without an aim you would presumably wander around aimlessly which, of course, would waste time, energy, effort, and resources. It’s like if I gave you a bow-and-arrow and told you to shoot the target. The first question you would necessarily ask is, “Where is the target?”
Read More »Viktor Frankl Quote on Success and Looking At It As A Side-Effect Rather Than A Target“You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.”
The Minimalists, Everything That Remains
Sure we might influence or inspire the people around us to change, but we certainly can’t force them to change. Change is an inside-out job. It’s something that a person has to want themselves and something they have to manifest from within. The outside-in approach simply doesn’t work. You can yell and scream and shout and argue with a person until the veins in your neck pop out—a person won’t change until they decide they’re ready, willing, and capable of change.
Read More »The Minimalists’ Quote on Changing The People Around You
Excerpt: Life can be hard. Words can help. Read our 12 empowering Iain Thomas quotes from Every Word You Cannot Say for help finding the right ones.
“I no longer chase anything or anyone. I work for what I want and I remain patient while going after it. So called friends who want to go, can go. Lovers who have forgotten how to love me, can go. I do not have energy to chase what is not for me. Life is too short for me to run miles for people who don’t take steps for me.”
Unknown, Relationship Rules
Anything forced is ugly. This is an expression that I find myself referencing often in my life. Relationships of all kinds should be a metaphorical (and sometimes literal) joining of the hands and a shared walking forward of the same path, with excitement, grace, and love. Relationships should never be a “tugging” of one person from one path to another. And relationships certainly should never be “forced” or a “dragging” of one person who is trying to walk on a path of their own down a path of your own. Forced relationships are ugly.
Read More »Quote About Being Patient and Not Chasing Anything Or Anyone“With an untrained mind, we’ll live most days of our lives at the mercy of our moods. Waking up in the morning is like gambling: ‘What mind did I end up with today? Is it the irritated mind, the happy mind, the anxious mind, the angry mind, the compassionate mind, or the loving mind?’ Most of the time we believe that the mind-set we have is who we are and we live our day from it.”
Sakyong Mipham, Turning the Mind Into An Ally (Page 20)
Gambling is not a good strategy for long-term success. Heck, it’s not even a good strategy for short-term success. It’s not a good strategy for success at all. The odds are against you and the factor that holds most of the control over your destiny is blind-luck. What’s better than blind-luck? Well, just about any other strategy, to be honest.
Read More »Sakyong Mipham Quote on Living Our Days At The Mercy Of Our Moods“The art of positive self-talk is simply paying attention to your inner dialogue and directing it toward positive, performance-based language. Most people don’t take the time to sit back and witness their own thoughts, which is an essential step toward realizing that our thoughts are not who we are. They don’t control us. They’re just thoughts. The only power they have is what we give them—what we feed them. Once you create that mental distance between you and your thoughts, you can start to tame and manage them.”
Mark Divine, The Way of the Seal
The difference between false-positivity and performance-based positivity is in the types of actions each inspire you to take. In the first, you put a happy face on, you mask your emotions, and you distract yourself from the real problems with positive thinking—it’s a diversion and is nothing more than an avoidance strategy that leads to inaction. In the second, positivity is looked at as a strategy that can be deployed and used to best deal with tough situations or emotions that are at hand. Because if we’re going to deal with the situation(s) regardless (given that you’re not going to bury your head in the sand) we might as well do it from a place where we are mentally at our best.
Read More »Mark Divine Quote on The Art Of Positive Thinking“When we push aside difficult emotions in order to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop deep skills to help us deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.”
Susan David, Ph.D, Mindful
This is the problem with positive thinking from a superficial standpoint. If something sad happens and you try to cover it up with happy thoughts, like a kind of mask, you get an un-dealt-with-sadness that lies suppressed inside. When something really upsets you and you try to distract your mind from confronting that “upset-ness,” those feelings will get pushed down and will continue to broil from deep within.
Read More »Susan David Quote on False Positivity and Why We Shouldn’t Push Aside Difficult Emotions