Excerpt: Letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embracing who you are is hard. These quotes from The Gifts of Imperfection will help…
“Maybe life isn’t about avoiding the bruises. Maybe it’s about collecting the scars to prove we showed up for it.”
Unknown
Good judgement comes from bad judgement remembered. Bad judgement happens when we interact with the world in a way that doesn’t align with the nature of reality. The only way we can ever know if our judgement is “good” or “bad” is by interacting with the world. Reality is the judge and the jury. By avoiding reality, we avoid finding out. By not finding out, we avoid getting bruised, yes, but we also avoid the deeply felt lessons that only those bruises can ever deliver—the lessons that only reality can teach us.
Read More »Quote About Showing Up For Life—On Collecting Scars Not Avoiding Bruises“When you make it your goal to create the perfect relationship between you and your body, you are learning to have a perfect relationship with anyone you are with, including your mother, your friends, your lover, your children, your dog. When you have the perfect relationship between you and your body, in that moment your half of any relationship outside you is completely fulfilled. You no longer depend upon the success of a relationship from the outside.”
Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love
The most you can ever contribute to the success of a relationship is 50%. The fact that it’s a relationship implies that there are two and 100% of one out of two is 50%. This isn’t to say that the most effort you can ever put forth is 50%. You can undoubtedly give your 100%, but it’s only ever going to add up to 50% as a part of the whole relationship. This is one of the key mindsets to understand in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Let’s take a look at an example.
Read More »Don Miguel Ruiz Quote on Creating the Perfect Relationships—Starting With The One You Have With Yourself“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”
Albert Camus, via Things No One Else Can Teach Us (Page 5)
Our world can be cold, harsh, and barren—there’s no doubt about that. Yet, even in the depth of winter when things feel like they’re at their worst there’s still one place that the outside world can’t touch—our inside world. The people around us might be despicable, we might be in an incredibly harsh and barren situation, and we might even be without a clear way out, but unless we let it, our inner world is ours only for the making. This is not to say that the outside world won’t have an influence over our inside world—because it certainly can—but the absolute most it can have is an influence. It has no direct access or authoritative power over our inner world. And what a profound revelation that is.
Read More »Albert Camus Quote on The Invincible Summer Inside“At the end of life, most of us will find that we have felt most filled up by the challenges and successful struggles for mastery, creativity, and full expression of our dharma in the world. Fulfillment happens not in retreat from the world, but in advance – and profound engagement.”
Stephen Cope, The Great Work Of Your Life
After receiving a thunderous round of applause for a speech he gave, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson was asked if he was having fun giving speeches and talking about important intellectual topics. When he replied, “No,” I was caught off guard. I couldn’t understand how he could so eloquently CRUSH an hour and a half long speech, do it in a way that was so well received by the audience, laugh and joke throughout, and admit that he didn’t have fun while doing it?
Read More »Stephen Cope Quote on Engaging With Life Rather Than Retreating—On Doing What’s Meaningful Rather Than Fun“You’ve gotta find a way to get out of your own way, so you can progress in life.”
Steve Carlton
The ideal way to go from thought to end destination is through appropriate action. Simple enough, right? That’s the way you bring entrepreneurial ventures from thoughts to life. It’s how you incorporate healthy lifestyle habits into your daily routine. It’s how go from grade school to high school to college to job to career to living your imagined lifestyle. And it all happens through the appropriate actions that you take once the appropriate thoughts get confirmed in your head. But, as I’m sure you’re aware, taking appropriate actions isn’t all that simple. Before you can take an appropriate action, you have to have the appropriate thoughts in your head confirmed. And THIS is where most everybody gets tripped up.
Read More »Steve Carlton Quote on Getting Out Of Your Own Way“What could someone figure out about you by the friends you’ve chosen? …Do your close friends tend to be older or younger than you? Less or more talented and successful than you? Do they share your values? Ambitions? Interests?”
Gregory Stock, The Book of Questions
You could probably learn a lot about someone by the friends they’ve chosen. In fact, I’m a firm believer in the idea that you are a product of who you surround yourself with the most. How could you not be? Your close friends are the ones who have the greatest influence over you. They’re the ones who you spend the most time with, who you challenge to games and do activities with, who you poke around with intellectually, who you have deep conversations with (or at least conversations beyond the superficial), and who you measure (and ultimately align) values, ambitions, and interests with. While this certainly isn’t always the case, I feel like it is more often than it’s not and can definitely provide noteworthy insights that will help you better understand your current situation.
Read More »Gregory Stock Quote on Friendship—and What Your Friends Say About You
Excerpt: Lifestyle change is hard but it doesn’t have to be confusing. Read our 16 Leo Babauta quotes from Essential Zen Habits to find out more.
“When we help others, the focus of our mind assumes a broader horizon within which we are able to see our own petty problems in a more realistic proportion. What previously appeared to be daunting and unbearable, which is what often makes our problems so overwhelming, tends to lose its intensity.”
Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness
This is where the idea of “first world problems” comes from. We will complain about and feel overwhelm from the problems that are prevalent in our world—as small or as large as that world is. If our world is small from inexperience or lack of opportunity, then our small problems will appear to be big. If our world is large from a plethora of experiences and plentiful opportunities, then even our “large” problems will appear to be small. If what we have to complain about, for example, is some stupid thing someone said to us, and our world is small and we don’t have anything else affecting us, then why would we complain and worry about anything else? That which doesn’t immediately affect us doesn’t immediately concern us. The entire scope of our focus is directed at the only thing that is calling for it, which in this case, is the stupid thing someone said to us. That is our entire world and that is our only problem to focus on. Until it’s not.
Read More »The Dalai Lama Quote on Handling Problems by Zooming Out and Looking From a Broader Perspective“It’s not the things that happen to us that cause us to suffer, it’s what we say to ourselves about the things that are happening.”
Pema Chodron, via Essential Zen Habits (Page 106)
Think about your mind like a movie theater. What you say to yourself is what directs and creates the movie that plays in your mind. You can direct and play whatever type of movie you want—action, comedy, romance, horror, adventure, thriller, etc. What you don’t get to do, however, is choose how the events in your movie unfold. So, if you can’t control how the events unfold, how can you control how the movie plays out? It’s all in the director’s (your) creative interpretation and expression of how those events influence the main character to think, feel, speak, and act (also you). You get to take the expression, “Everything happens for a reason” and you get to determine why everything happened and for what reason and see to it that the movie plays out in a direction of your choosing.
Read More »Pema Chodron Quote on Suffering and What We Should Do To Alleviate It“Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception – we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable – there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying.”
Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
What a gift it would be if we were able to drop all of our desires for perfection. And I’m not just talking about some of our desires for perfection—I mean all of them. The desire to look perfect; to have perfect grades/ outcomes/ performances; to be perceived as perfect by others; to have perfect answers to questions; to be the perfect mother/ father/ spouse/ sibling; to have the perfect circumstances; to live the perfect life… Why? Because every single one of these desires creates suffering. They create unattainable, unrealistic goals that lead to constant disappointment, self-judgement, and less acceptance of your self and others. And in this world—in this reality—there is no such thing as perfect.
Read More »Brené Brown Quote on Perfectionism and How It’s Unattainable and Self-Destructive“In today’s fast-changing world, it’s not so much what you know anymore that counts, because often what you know is old. It is how fast you learn. That skill is priceless.”
Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad Poor Dad (Page 212)
And to that point, even more important than the speed in which you learn is whether or not you are actually still learning. The world is changing at an incredible pace and as Kiyosaki points out, more often than not, what you know from what you’ve been taught is likely outdated and old. Thankfully, with the internet and Google, we don’t have to worry about memorizing new material or about having access the latest ideas—they are readily available to us with a couple of quick thumb taps. But with that access and organization still comes responsibility on our part.
Read More »Robert Kiyosaki Quote on The Importance Of Learning In Today’s Fast-Changing World“Take heed: you do not find what you do not seek.”
English Proverb
Obviously, right? Well… Maybe not so obvious. The concept is easily understood, of course. If you’re playing hide and seek with your kids, for example, and you send them off to hide, but you choose not to seek them out (that was mean of you), then they won’t be found. Until of course, they come out seeking you so that they can yell at you for not playing the game with them properly (and for being mean)! If you don’t seek, you won’t find. If you don’t go out looking for cars, you won’t find a car. If you don’t seek advice or help, you won’t find advice or help. If you don’t look for the good in people, you won’t find the good in people. Where this concept becomes, “not so obvious” is when you want to find but don’t know how to seek (or aren’t even aware that you’re not seeking).
Read More »Quote About How You Don’t Find What You Don’t Seek“Part of the magic of the experience lay in the sheer beauty of the setting: the breathtaking sight of the high mountains, the sweep of the sky, the panorama of the great valley. The beauty drives you out of the self for a moment – so that for this time, the self is not.”
Joseph Jaworski, Synchronicity
This is (at least in strong part) why we are so drawn to beautiful destinations. The sheer beauty of the settings that we travel to pull us out of ourselves—and for that time, the self is not. It’s an incredible escape that is so cherished because our “monkey minds” drive us crazy. I’m sure you might be able to relate. You know the feeling of being unsettled, restless, confused, indecisive? That’s the monkey mind. It’s our inner critic and the part of our mind that is most connected to the ego. The monkey mind insists on being heard, is relentlessly talkative, is constantly pointing to all of our flaws and mistakes, and contends to keep us distracted from doing any kind of deep work all of the time. It’s exhausting and it’s what makes us want a vacation so damn bad.
Read More »Joseph Jaworski Quote on Beautiful Settings and How They Can Drive You Out Of Yourself
Excerpt: Listening to our mind is easy—listening to our heart is not so easy. Read our 22 quotes on following your heart and look closer at why…
“Narrow your life down to this moment. Your life situation may be full of problems—most life situations are—but find out if you have any problem at this moment. Not tomorrow or in ten minutes, but now. Do you have a problem now? When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So whenever you can, make some room, create some space, so that you find the life underneath your life situation.”
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Page 63)
Empty your cup. Before you can make room for new tea in your cup, you need to empty what tea you already have. If you keep pouring, your cup will keep overflowing and you will never be able to drink your tea because your cup will still have tea being poured into it! That, plus, the space around you will quickly start turning into a terrible mess which will result more in panic than it will tea drinking. You need to stop pouring the tea, place the kettle down, and focus on drinking what you have. You need to create some space. And the same is true for your life situation.
Read More »Eckhart Tolle Quote on Finding The Life Underneath Your Problems“You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say.”
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
One of the greatest gifts I have received from my sister is the gift of a better connection to my own heart. I don’t know anybody that is more in tune with their heart and has followed their heart’s path than she. I see this now more than ever in how she has navigated some tough, unconventional life situations that didn’t have, well, conventional wisdom or many paths to refer to for help. When faced with unconventional situations that stray from a path that might be considered “normal,” many would try to suppress or escape from the feelings out of fear or anxiety and stick to the “norm” anyway—but not her. From as early as I can remember, she has listened to her heart even in the most challenging of times and has been able to make the tough decisions which have led her to the beautiful path she is on now. And what’s even more beautiful, is how this has manifested in her ability to help those around her too.
Read More »Paulo Coelho Quote on Listening To Your Heart“It is an act of responsibility to discipline a child. It is not anger at misbehavior. It is not revenge for a misdeed. It is instead a careful combination of mercy and long-term judgment. Proper discipline requires effort—indeed, is virtually synonymous with effort. It is difficult to pay careful attention to children. It is difficult to figure out what is wrong and what is right and why. It is difficult to formulate just and compassionate strategies of discipline, and to negotiate their application with others deeply involved in a child’s care. Because of this combination of responsibility and difficulty, any suggestion that all constraints placed on children are damaging can be perversely welcome. Such a notion, once accepted, allows adults who should know better to abandon their duty to serve as agents of enculturation and pretend that doing so is good for children. It’s a deep and pernicious act of self-deception. It’s lazy, cruel and inexcusable.”
Jordan Peterson, via 12 Rules for Life(Page 124)
Once we agree that the proper disciplining of children is necessary, the question that quickly follows is, how do we discipline properly? What strategies and tactics should we use to ensure that our children will abide by and will continue to abide by the rules we have decided upon? One idea that you might explore is a martial arts concept that is practiced in self-defense situations that suggests we use the minimum force necessary. If we have to defend ourselves, we only use the minimum amount of force that would stun or neutralize the opponent so that we can safely escape. For kids, the idea would be to use the minimum strategy or tactic necessary to get them back into accordance with the rule set.
Read More »Jordan Peterson Quote on Disciplining Children
Excerpt: 9 Rules for Children from Jordan Peterson that can offer you a solid framework to build off of when structuring home life for your kids.
“It is easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult.”
Unknown
Learning how to properly educate, inspire, and guide our next generation is one of the most important duties we have as adults who have come before. It is up to us to protect our kids from the world and at the same time, prepare them for it. It is our obligation to give them the tools they need to succeed without simultaneously doing the work for them.
Read More »Quote on How It’s Easier To Build Up A Child Than Repair An Adult