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Jon Gordon Quote on Tough Love and How Love Should Come First

    “I believe in tough love. But for tough love to work, love must come first. We must love tough to bring out the best in those who lead.”

    Jon Gordon

    Beyond the Quote (106/365)

    At what point does “tough love” go from being “love that’s tough” to just being hurtful, mean, and even abusive behavior?  It’s an important distinction to make because there is certainly a line between being tough out of love and being tough because of harbored inner hate—or lack of control.

    In my estimation, I think Jon has it right in the quote above.  In order for tough love to work, love must come first.  The intention behind the action has to be mindfully channeled through love and has to be conscious and deliberate.  When tough actions are taken without the mind, they are usually emotionally charged, disproportionately harsh, and later regretted.  Then, after it’s all said and done, those actions are guised behind “tough love” and proper responsibility isn’t always taken.

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    Quote about Growth and Not Being So Hard On Yourself

      “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

      Unknown

      Beyond the Quote (105/365)

      Why are you so hard on yourself?  Is it because you think being hard on yourself will make you hard?  Is it because that’s the way others have treated you?  Is it because you have high expectations of yourself and want to do bigger and better things?  Well, what if, by making yourself “hard” you lose your soft touch?  What if you lose your malleability and more easily crack and break down?  What if you become more “hard headed” and stiff and rigid to the world and in how you think?  Maybe we should take a moment and reconsider what it means to be “hard.”

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      Anne Frank Quote on Reflection and Doing Better Each Day

        “How noble and good everyone could be if at the end of the day they were to review their own behavior and weigh up the rights and wrongs.  They would automatically try to do better at the start of each new day, and after a while, would certainly accomplish a great deal.”

        Anne Frank, via Stillness is the Key (Page 53)

        Beyond the Quote (104/365)

        How often do you just sit down at the end of a long day and reflect?  Reflect on what went well and what didn’t go so well; what could have been improved and what could have been discarded; what made you smile and what made you sad; what you might have done differently and what you think was right on point.  See, reflection isn’t just about thinking.  What really happens when you take time to reflect on your day is you are taking responsibility for what happened and you are taking control of where you’re heading.  Reflection, in this sense, is your Life GPS.

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        Quote about Ubuntu and How We Are All Connected

          Ubuntu

          Beyond the Quote (103/365)

          Once, an anthropologist proposed a game to kids in an African tribe.  He put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told them that whoever got there first would win the entire basket.  When he gave them the signal to run, they all took each other’s hands and ran together.  Once they arrived at the tree, they sat in a circle and enjoyed the fruits together.  When he asked them why they chose to run as a group when they could have raced against each other for the whole basket, one child spoke up and said, “UBUNTU—how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?”

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          Pico Iyer Quote on Rethinking Travel and Exploring ‘Nowhere’

            “In an age of speed, I began to think, nothing could be more invigorating that going slow. In an age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still. You can go on vacation to Hawaii or New Orleans three months from now, and you’ll have a tremendous time, I’m sure. But if you want to come back feeling new – alive and full of fresh hope and in love with the world – I think the place to visit may be Nowhere.”

            Pico Iyer, The Art of Stillness

            Beyond the Quote (101/365)

            In his book, The Art of Stillness, Pico Iyer writes about an unconventional approach to adventure that involves, not traveling to New Orleans or Hawaii, but to “Nowhere.”  And yes, that’s exactly what he means.  Rather than taking the time to venture off to far and distant lands, he makes an argument for the opposite—adventuring to nowhere in particular and taking that time to turn inward.  This idea may not be what people want to hear—after all, who would want to give up the idea of going to Hawaii… to go Nowhere?  But, when you look a little closer at the dynamics of far and distant travel, the notion of “Nowhere” may begin to make more sense.

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            Epictetus Quote on Prioritizing What’s Important

              “If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters.”

              Epictetus, via Stillness is the Key (Page 31)

              Beyond the Quote (100/365)

              In a world of 24/7 news coverage across hundreds of thousands of news coverage sources, it’s impossible to consume everything that is being broadcasted—it’s never ending.  And because it’s always a race between news coverage organizations to be the first to broadcast, so much of what’s shown is speculative, shallow, incomplete, and, well, excessive.  If you always want to know everything that’s going on in the world at all times, then turn on the news and scroll through your never ending social media timelines for every waking minute of your day.  The crazy part is that you will be able to do it. 

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              James Allen Quote on Strengthening the Mind

                “As the physically weak man can make himself strong by careful and patient training, so the man of weak thoughts can make them strong by exercising himself in right thinking.”

                James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

                Beyond the Quote (98/365)

                The connection between careful and patient training and physical improvements is, in my estimation, much more firm than the connection with training and mental or emotional improvements. One of the main reasons for this might be that physical improvements are tangible—we can see the them, feel them, and are constantly being reminded of them.  Every time we look in a mirror or take a selfie on our phone or see pictures that were posted—we are reminded. 

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                Ryan Holiday Quote on Cultivating Mental Stillness To Succeed In Life

                  “Each of us will, in our own lives, face crisis.  A business on the brink of collapse.  An acrimonious divorce.  A decision about the future of our career.  A moment where the whole game depends on us.  These situations will call upon all our mental resources.  An emotional, reactive response—an unthinking, half-baked response—will not cut it.  Not if we want to get it right.  Not if we want to perform at our best.  In these situations we must: be fully present; empty our mind of preconceptions; take our time; sit quietly and reflect; reject distraction; weight advice against the counsel of our convictions; deliberate without being paralyzed.  We must cultivate mental stillness to succeed in life and to successfully navigate the many crises it throws our way.”

                  Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key (Page 20)

                  Beyond the Quote (97/365)

                  It’s a fine line between reacting and responding; between acting then thinking versus thinking then acting; between needing to make a quick decision and not wanting to wait (or not having the self-control to wait) to make a decision.  Crisis situations are going to call upon the full extent of our mental resources if we are to handle the crisis properly and in a way that is in complete alignment with our best intentions.  The challenge, of course, is that most crisis situations have a strong sense of urgency attached to them that requires a quick decision to be made.

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                  Why is Consistency the Key? Because It Beats Talent, Good Intentions, Luck, and Even Quality.

                    “Consistency beats talent. Consistency beats good intentions. Consistency beats luck. Consistency even beats quality.”

                    Unknown

                    Beyond the Quote (96/365)


                    When does consistency beats talent?

                    Well, you have to be consistent enough to bridge the talent gap.  The fact that somebody is ‘talented’ in a certain area implies that they have innate aptitudes, abilities, or skills that start them ahead of you.  But just because somebody has a head start doesn’t mean that they are always going to win.  In fact, this is the basic premise for every underdog story you’ve ever heard.

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                    James Clear Quote on Happiness and How It’s About Absence Not Achievement

                      “Happiness is simply the absence of desire.  When you observe a cue, but do not desire to change your state, you are content with the current situation.  Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire.  It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently.  Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.”

                      James Clear, Atomic Habits

                      Beyond the Quote (94/365)

                      People think becoming invincible is impossible—I’d like to argue to the contrary.  How do we become invincible?  By freeing ourselves of desire.  As soon as a want is created a vulnerability is exposed that can be leveraged—by others or even your own mind.  Think about this in the context of a negotiation.

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                      Osho Quote on Sadness and How To Relax Into It, Change Its Form, and Look Deeper Into It

                        “Whenever you feel sad, sit by the side of a tree, by the side of the river, by the side of a rock, and just relax into your sadness without any fear.  The more you relax, the more you will become acquainted with the beauties of sadness.  Then sadness will start changing its form; it will become a silent joy, uncaused by anybody outside you.  That will not be shallow happiness, which can be taken away very easily.  And getting deeper into your aloneness, one day you will find not only joy – joy is only midway.  Happiness is very superficial, depends on others; joy is in the middles, does not depend on anyone.  But going deeper you will come to the state of bliss – that’s what I call enlightenment.”

                        Osho, Love, Freedom, Alonenss: The Koan of Relationships

                        Beyond the Quote (93/365)

                        Whenever you are feeling a deep emotion—sit with it.  Do not rush to do anything else.  Do not turn on the TV; do not turn on a podcast; do not log into your social media accounts; do not pour a glass of wine; do not conduct busywork; do not go shopping; do not experiment with drugs; do not call your ex.  Just, sit with it.

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                        Lynne Twist Quote on Feelings of Lack and Inadequacy (and How To Combat It)

                          “For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ The next one is ‘I don’t have enough time.’ Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of… We don’t have enough exercise.  We don’t have enough work.  We don’t have enough profits.  We don’t have enough power.  We don’t have enough wilderness.  We don’t have enough weekends.  Of course, we don’t have enough money—ever.  We’re not thin enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not pretty enough or fit enough or educated or successful enough, or rich enough—ever.  Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something.  And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds race with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day.  We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to the reverie of lack… What begins as a simple expression of the hurried life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life.”

                          Lynne Twist, The Soul of Money

                          Beyond the Quote (92/365)

                          How do we combat chronic feelings of lack?  By deploying chronic gratitude.  It’s no secret that gratitude is a cornerstone piece of a fulfilled life.  Gratitude is, in fact, what fills a person’s life.  When we are grateful for our family, our family fills our lives; when we are grateful for our friends, our friends fill our lives; when we are thankful for food, water, shelter, clothes, health, etc., then those things fill our lives, too.  Gratitude fills us up and the more gratitude we can deploy, the more fulfilled we will feel.

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                          Jonathan Carroll Quote on Kindness in Small Gestures

                            “I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid’s runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are— particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (“I’m not a big one for paying compliments…”), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself. For a moment life suddenly feels lighter, a bit more Gene Kelly dancing in the rain.”

                            Jonathan Carroll

                            Beyond the Quote (90/365)

                            Don’t let ideas of the grandiose stop you from acting in thoughtful, kind ways today.  Don’t let your desire to change the whole world (or have a huge impact) stop you from doing anything at all for those who are already in your world.  Brainstorming and coming up with master plans is great, but it should never be at the expense of those who surround you throughout your brainstorming process.  Never underestimate the power of small gestures done in selfless, loving ways, for those gestures may prove to be the very foundation for so much else in your life.

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