Beyond the Quote

Eckhart Tolle Quote on Finding The Life Underneath Your Problems

“Narrow your life down to this moment. Your life situation may be full of problems—most life situations are—but find out if you have any problem at this moment. Not tomorrow or in ten minutes, but now. Do you have a problem now? When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So whenever you can, make some room, create some space, so that you find the life underneath your life situation.”
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Page 63)

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Empty your cup. Before you can make room for new tea in your cup, you need to empty what tea you already have. If you keep pouring, your cup will keep overflowing and you will never be able to drink your tea because your cup will still have tea being poured into it! That, plus, the space around you will quickly start turning into a terrible mess which will result more in panic than it will tea drinking. You need to stop pouring the tea, place the kettle down, and focus on drinking what you have. You need to create some space. And the same is true for your life situation.

“You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say.”
Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Beyond the Quote (52/365)

One of the greatest gifts I have received from my sister is the gift of a better connection to my own heart. I don’t know anybody that is more in tune with their heart and has followed their heart’s path than she. I see this now more than ever in how she has navigated some tough, unconventional life situations that didn’t have, well, conventional wisdom or many paths to refer to for help. When faced with unconventional situations that stray from a path that might be considered “normal,” many would try to suppress or escape from the feelings out of fear or anxiety and stick to the “norm” anyway—but not her. From as early as I can remember, she has listened to her heart even in the most challenging of times and has been able to make the tough decisions which have led her to the beautiful path she is on now. And what’s even more beautiful, is how this has manifested in her ability to help those around her too.

“It is an act of responsibility to discipline a child. It is not anger at misbehavior. It is not revenge for a misdeed. It is instead a careful combination of mercy and long-term judgment. Proper discipline requires effort—indeed, is virtually synonymous with effort. It is difficult to pay careful attention to children. It is difficult to figure out what is wrong and what is right and why. It is difficult to formulate just and compassionate strategies of discipline, and to negotiate their application with others deeply involved in a child’s care. Because of this combination of responsibility and difficulty, any suggestion that all constraints placed on children are damaging can be perversely welcome. Such a notion, once accepted, allows adults who should know better to abandon their duty to serve as agents of enculturation and pretend that doing so is good for children. It’s a deep and pernicious act of self-deception. It’s lazy, cruel and inexcusable.”
Jordan Peterson, via 12 Rules for Life(Page 124)

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Once we agree that the proper disciplining of children is necessary, the question that quickly follows is, how do we discipline properly? What strategies and tactics should we use to ensure that our children will abide by and will continue to abide by the rules we have decided upon? One idea that you might explore is a martial arts concept that is practiced in self-defense situations that suggests we use the minimum force necessary. If we have to defend ourselves, we only use the minimum amount of force that would stun or neutralize the opponent so that we can safely escape. For kids, the idea would be to use the minimum strategy or tactic necessary to get them back into accordance with the rule set.

“It is easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult.”
Unknown

Beyond the Quote (49/365)

Learning how to properly educate, inspire, and guide our next generation is one of the most important duties we have as adults who have come before. It is up to us to protect our kids from the world and at the same time, prepare them for it. It is our obligation to give them the tools they need to succeed without simultaneously doing the work for them.

“It was like, ‘Why are we sitting here? Let’s make our own movie.’ And if people come to see it, they come; and if they don’t, they don’t. Either way it beats sitting here going crazy. When you have so much energy and so much passion and no outlet for it and nobody cares, it’s just the worst feeling… This whole ‘I’m too cool to care’ thing… is so weak and stupid and played out, and it just brings everybody down. You shouldn’t be too cool to care, for Christ’s sake. You should be full of vim and vigor, and trying to do everything you can to make a change.”
Matt Damon

Beyond the Quote (48/365)

Regardless of what gets you there, when the end conclusion is not caring, then all of the life that comes from caring dissolves. Caring is exactly what drives us to listen, to pay attention, to take actions, to go above and beyond, and to think and reflect—essentially, when we don’t care, we’re choosing not to interact with the world (or at least that aspect of it).

“Life is full of unforeseen detours. Circumstances happen which seem to completely cut across our plans. Learn to turn your detours into delights. Treat them as special excursions and learning tours. Don’t fight them or you will never learn their purpose. Enjoy the moments and pretty soon you will be back on track again, probably wiser and stronger because of your little detour.”
Steve Penny

Beyond the Quote (46/365)

In his book, Essential Zen Habits, Leo Babauta shares a mental analogy that can help you stay on track towards accomplishing your goals—or better yet, not stay on “track” at all yet continue heading in the direction of your goals in a more flexible, effective manner. You see, for many people, the idea of a plan gets equated to mental “train tracks” that get laid out so that you, the train, can power forward in a smooth, straight line down the track towards your destination.

“In order to make a relationship last, you really have to flow with a person as they change. Give them space. My friend always told me about his grandfather who was with his wife for 60 years before she passed. His grandfather said that through all that time, his wife changed so much it felt like he had been with 8 different people by the end. But he said the secret to making it last was that through all those changes, he never suffocated his wife with his own idea of who he expected her to be. Rather he loved, fully, every new woman she became.”
Unknown

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Don’t suffocate your loved ones. The more they feel suffocated, the more space they will need to breathe. The more tightly you squeeze them, the more freedom they will need. The more smothered they feel with expectations, the more resistance and disappointment you both will feel. Love should not be suffocating; it should be spacious. Love should not be limiting; it should be enabling. Love should not be expected; it should be given—unconditionally and in full.

“Remember, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude. Change how you see things. Look for the good in all situations. Take the lesson and find new opportunities to grow. Let all the extra stress, worrying and overthinking go.”
Unknown

Beyond the Quote (44/365)

The above quote can be boiled down the following idea: accept what you cannot change, take control of what you can, do what you need to do to figure out which category each situation in your life falls, and act accordingly. If you never make the connection that a given situation is out of your control, then you might drive yourself mad in trying to change it. If you don’t even realize that a situation is within your control (or that at least part of it is) and you act as though it’s not, you might be suffering unnecessarily as a result.

“People tend to look at successful writers, writers who are getting books published and maybe even doing well financially, and think that they sit down at their desks every morning feeling like a million dollars, feeling great about who they are and how much talent they have and what a great story they have to tell; that they take a few deep breaths, push back their sleeves, roll their necks a few times to get all the cricks out, and dive in, typing fully formed passages as fast as a court reporter. But this is just fantasy of the uninitiated. I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts… For me and most other writers I know, writing is not rapturous. If fact, the only way I can get anything written at all is to write really, really shitty first drafts.”
Anne Lamott

Beyond the Quote (43/365)

For all of you who are intimidated by the dreaded blank page and have insecurities and self-doubts about writing (or creating in general), let me reassure you: we ALL start out with really, really shitty first drafts. Not even the best writers in the world (the ones who you envision typing out those perfect, fully formed passages as fast as a court reporters can type) write their final copy on their first try. It just doesn’t happen. So, drop the expectation that you’ll be able to do that yourself (sorry not sorry)!

“That’s been one of my mantras—focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”
Steve Jobs

Beyond the Quote (42/365) Part 2: On Simplicity

Read First: Steve Jobs Quote on Focus and Working Hard To Keep Thinking Clean (Part 1)

Once we become aware of the fact that we’re in the midst of a full-blown battle for attention and that we’re literally being wired to enjoy distractions, we can start taking the proper steps to regain control. If we don’t even know we’re in a battle or that we’re being rewired, after all, how can we know to do anything about it? If we want to produce the best work of our lives then blocking out distractions and focusing our attention on the deep and thoughtful type of work is key.

“That’s been one of my mantras—focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”
Steve Jobs

Beyond the Quote (41/365) Part 1: On Focus

The ability to focus, or more clearly stated, the ability to block out distractions—especially in today’s world—is absolutely critical in producing the best work of your life. Think about it. Distractions are the things that take your attention elsewhere—away from what it should be/ could be doing. And when your attention is over there, it’s certainly not over here—focused on the deep, thoughtful work that requires long chains of uninterrupted time for thought, flow, play, introspection, and execution. And the more that your attention ends up over there in distraction, either deliberately or unexpectedly, the work you could be doing over here gets sidetracked and lost.

“Use mistakes as feedback. They’re not signs that you’re a bad person or have no discipline. They’re signs that you need to adjust.”
Leo Babauta, Essential Zen Habits (Page 71)

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In his book, Essential Zen Habits, Leo Babauta shares a simple story about mistakes that might help you shift your paradigm from looking at mistakes as catastrophic failures to seeing them as opportunities for indispensable feedback. Imagine you are walking across a pond using a small stone path. It’s not the most stable path and it zig zags across the water, but can none-the-less get you to the other side. If you wanted to get to the other side safely and dry, you would have to carefully place each step and make the proper balance adjustments along the way (I believe in you).

“Make it a habit to monitor your mental-emotional state through self-observation. ‘Am I at ease at this moment?’ is a good question to ask yourself frequently. Or you can ask: ‘What’s going on inside me at this moment?’ Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.”
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Page 77)

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For so many of us, the gap between an outside stimulus and our response is immediate and reflexive. We react with the immediate feelings and emotions that arise without really knowing what those feelings and emotions even are—until after the fact. Acting and then thinking has it’s time and it’s place, but so does thinking and then acting. Get it wrong and things could get far more complicated and challenging than they need to.

“Self-reflection has turned out to be one of my most powerful tools in changing my life. It becomes a mirror that helps you see what’s going on in your life, that keeps you from making the same mistakes over and over again, from being on autopilot and failing to course-correct. Having a blog with readers is like having a journal on steroids—it forces you to reflect on what you’re doing in your life, because if you’re going to share what you’re learning with other people, you first have to reflect on what you’ve learned.”
Leo Babauta, Essential Zen Habits (Page 50)

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Creating space for self-reflective thinking is crucial for self-improvement. If you want to live your best life, you have to take time on a regular basis to take a good look at where you are, where you are going, what has happened, what those “happenings” mean, and what needs to be adjusted so that you can keep moving forward.

“The universal truth is beyond question – the only people who excel are those who have decided to do so.” ~ Seth Godin

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Excelling is optional. And so is the opposite. The path of least resistance is the path most people decide to follow. Why wouldn’t that be the case? Naturally, we are lazy creatures. We’re wired to conserve energy—both by expending less (moving less) and storing more (fat on your body)—so that we don’t starve to death if we can’t get more food. These were critical adaptations that were made over the course of our existence as humans that kept us alive during harsh periods of existence.

“Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.”
Viktor Frankl

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Having an aim in life is important. Aim gives direction and direction gives energy, effort, and resources a focused purpose. Without an aim you would presumably wander around aimlessly which, of course, would waste time, energy, effort, and resources. It’s like if I gave you a bow-and-arrow and told you to shoot the target. The first question you would necessarily ask is, “Where is the target?”

“You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.”
The Minimalists, Everything That Remains

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Sure we might influence or inspire the people around us to change, but we certainly can’t force them to change. Change is an inside-out job. It’s something that a person has to want themselves and something they have to manifest from within. The outside-in approach simply doesn’t work. You can yell and scream and shout and argue with a person until the veins in your neck pop out—a person won’t change until they decide they’re ready, willing, and capable of change.

“I no longer chase anything or anyone. I work for what I want and I remain patient while going after it. So called friends who want to go, can go. Lovers who have forgotten how to love me, can go. I do not have energy to chase what is not for me. Life is too short for me to run miles for people who don’t take steps for me.”
Unknown, Relationship Rules

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Anything forced is ugly. This is an expression that I find myself referencing often in my life. Relationships of all kinds should be a metaphorical (and sometimes literal) joining of the hands and a shared walking forward of the same path, with excitement, grace, and love. Relationships should never be a “tugging” of one person from one path to another. And relationships certainly should never be “forced” or a “dragging” of one person who is trying to walk on a path of their own down a path of your own. Forced relationships are ugly.

“With an untrained mind, we’ll live most days of our lives at the mercy of our moods. Waking up in the morning is like gambling: ‘What mind did I end up with today? Is it the irritated mind, the happy mind, the anxious mind, the angry mind, the compassionate mind, or the loving mind?’ Most of the time we believe that the mind-set we have is who we are and we live our day from it.”
Sakyong Mipham, Turning the Mind Into An Ally (Page 20)

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Gambling is not a good strategy for long-term success. Heck, it’s not even a good strategy for short-term success. It’s not a good strategy for success at all. The odds are against you and the factor that holds most of the control over your destiny is blind-luck. What’s better than blind-luck? Well, just about any other strategy, to be honest.

“The art of positive self-talk is simply paying attention to your inner dialogue and directing it toward positive, performance-based language. Most people don’t take the time to sit back and witness their own thoughts, which is an essential step toward realizing that our thoughts are not who we are. They don’t control us. They’re just thoughts. The only power they have is what we give them—what we feed them. Once you create that mental distance between you and your thoughts, you can start to tame and manage them.”
Mark Divine, The Way of the Seal

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The difference between false-positivity and performance-based positivity is in the types of actions each inspire you to take. In the first, you put a happy face on, you mask your emotions, and you distract yourself from the real problems with positive thinking—it’s a diversion and is nothing more than an avoidance strategy that leads to inaction. In the second, positivity is looked at as a strategy that can be deployed and used to best deal with tough situations or emotions that are at hand. Because if we’re going to deal with the situation(s) regardless (given that you’re not going to bury your head in the sand) we might as well do it from a place where we are mentally at our best.

Beyond the Quote

Eckhart Tolle Quote on Finding The Life Underneath Your Problems

Beyond the Quote (53/365)

Paulo Coelho Quote on Listening To Your Heart

Beyond the Quote (52/365)

Jordan Peterson Quote on Disciplining Children

Beyond the Quote (51/365)

Quote on How It’s Easier To Build Up A Child Than Repair An Adult

Beyond the Quote (49/365)

Matt Damon Quote on Taking Action Rather Than Sitting Around Thinking You’re “Too Cool”

Beyond the Quote (48/365)

Steve Penny Quote on Embracing Unforeseen Detours Rather Than Fighting Them

Beyond the Quote (46/365)

Quote on Loving People Without Placing Expectations On Them Of Who You Think They Should Be

Beyond the Quote (45/365)

Quote on Managing Stress By Controlling What You Can and Letting Go Of What You Can’t

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Anne Lamott Quote on Writing Really Poorly Before You Ever Write Anything Good

Beyond the Quote (43/365)

Steve Jobs Quote on Simplicity and How Simple Can Be Harder Than Complex

Beyond the Quote (42/365) Part 2: On Simplicity

Leo Babauta Quote on Using Mistakes As Feedback

Beyond the Quote (39/365)

Eckhart Tolle Quote on Monitoring Your Mental-Emotional State To Keep Your Inside Right

Beyond the Quote (38/365)

Leo Babauta Quote on How Self-Reflection Changed His Life

Beyond the Quote (37/365)

Seth Godin Quote on Making The Decision To Excel

Beyond the Quote (36/365)

Viktor Frankl Quote on Success and Looking At It As A Side-Effect Rather Than A Target

Beyond the Quote (35/365)

The Minimalists’ Quote on Changing The People Around You

Beyond the Quote (34/365)

Quote About Being Patient and Not Chasing Anything Or Anyone

Beyond the Quote (32/365)

Sakyong Mipham Quote on Living Our Days At The Mercy Of Our Moods

Beyond the Quote (29/365)

Mark Divine Quote on The Art Of Positive Thinking

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