“Each of us will, in our own lives, face crisis. A business on the brink of collapse. An acrimonious divorce. A decision about the future of our career. A moment where the whole game depends on us. These situations will call upon all our mental resources. An emotional, reactive response—an unthinking, half-baked response—will not cut it. Not if we want to get it right. Not if we want to perform at our best. In these situations we must: be fully present; empty our mind of preconceptions; take our time; sit quietly and reflect; reject distraction; weight advice against the counsel of our convictions; deliberate without being paralyzed. We must cultivate mental stillness to succeed in life and to successfully navigate the many crises it throws our way.”
Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key (Page 20)
Beyond the Quote (97/365)
It’s a fine line between reacting and responding; between acting then thinking versus thinking then acting; between needing to make a quick decision and not wanting to wait (or not having the self-control to wait) to make a decision. Crisis situations are going to call upon the full extent of our mental resources if we are to handle the crisis properly and in a way that is in complete alignment with our best intentions. The challenge, of course, is that most crisis situations have a strong sense of urgency attached to them that requires a quick decision to be made.
This presents a predicament: How do we act quickly but not rashly? How do we think thoroughly without wasting precious time? I’m glad you asked. What we first need to confirm is that the situation we’re facing is indeed a crisis—and isn’t an over-exaggerated projection from our mind. It’s very possible that some of the “crises” that come up in your life are really just problems that are being blown out of proportion and aren’t as urgent as we might be making them out to be.
If that is the case, then you should take the time that you now have and follow Holiday’s advice above. If that isn’t the case then you should still follow Holiday’s advice above, but you have to pay extra close attention to the precious little time you do have and learn how to manage it with grace.
The time we’re talking about in particular is the time that’s allotted in the space between the stimulus (the crisis) and our response. It is in that space that all of the magic happens and whoever can manage that time more effectively and gracefully will win. The problem, of course, is that many of us operate under the influence of our emotions and spew out words and take rash actions that come quickly to mind that haven’t been “fully-baked.” We react instead of respond. We act and then think.
Proper, complete thinking takes time and one of the worst times to act on what you’re thinking is in the heat of an argument or when you’re deeply emotional. Intense emotional states are like intense storms for the lake of your mind—there is way too much going to see what’s happening at the bottom of the lake (where your true thoughts lie). You have to let the storm pass and let the contents of the lake settle before you can see what’s actually happening down below.
As Holiday points out in the quote above, we need to: take our time; sit quietly and reflect; reject distraction; weight advice against the counsel of our convictions; deliberate without being paralyzed. We need to allow time to calm down, become still, and think more clearly for as much time as we possibly can without making things worse.
What even is thinking and why is it so important we do it before we act? While it seems like a silly question, I’m still going to address it because what sometimes is common knowledge isn’t exactly common practice. One way to look at it is that thinking is the active process of simulating how various actions play out in our heads, envisioning their corresponding outcomes/ responses, and narrowing down the possibilities to one simulation that seems to play out the best.
Once a crisis has been thought all the way through, then the most appropriate action(s) can be taken based on those projections and the information we have at hand. Will reality always play out the way things played out in our head? Of course not. But, at least you are taking full control over the piece to the “crisis puzzle” that you can control—your actions.
If you’ve ever turned inward and actually paid attention to your thoughts—your simulations—then you’ll notice how absolutely awful most of them are. Many of the simulations that run in our heads are incredibly short-term oriented and play out very poorly in the long-run (i.e. telling somebody that you hate them and that they should go rot in a hole).
When you don’t give yourself time and space to think properly, that’s usually what tends to come out—awful, knee-jerk response words and actions that you didn’t properly simulate and think through. If you’ve ever said something you didn’t mean to say or done something you didn’t mean to do, then you know what I’m talking about.
Reclaim control of the space between the stimulus and your response. Yes, your response not your reaction. And think before you speak—not the other way around. Thinking tough situations all the way through might feel counterintuitive during urgent situations, but what you might find is that your responses will almost always outweigh and outperform your reactions. Maybe you should give it a try yourself? Good luck!
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
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