“Happiness is simply the absence of desire. When you observe a cue, but do not desire to change your state, you are content with the current situation. Happiness is not about the achievement of pleasure (which is joy or satisfaction), but about the lack of desire. It arrives when you have no urge to feel differently. Happiness is the state you enter when you no longer want to change your state.”
James Clear, Atomic Habits
Beyond the Quote (94/365)
People think becoming invincible is impossible—I’d like to argue to the contrary. How do we become invincible? By freeing ourselves of desire. As soon as a want is created a vulnerability is exposed that can be leveraged—by others or even your own mind. Think about this in the context of a negotiation.
If I have a really great idea, but I need startup money to get the idea off the ground (desire), and I present to a potential investor who I really want to support the idea (more desire), and they are content whether they invest or not and sense that they have all of the leverage? You can see how that might play out poorly.
Ultimately, whoever desires less, wins. Because whoever desires more will be more likely bend/ break/ or settle for a worse deal (or lose the deal altogether). Think now, about a similar situation except this time, rather than creating all of that desire, the idea was presented to one hundred different investors or, better yet, rather than raising capitol via investors, you started building capitol yourself and utilized creative thinking, networking, and low-cost marketing. Now the leverage is back in your hands.
Let’s take a look at more every day life examples of this. Let’s say you observe a cue, like a TV commercial, and it showcases a brand new, fully loaded, luxurious car. The commercial is designed to create a desire inside of you so that you will feel the need to fill that gap and buy that car. But, what if you taught yourself to see through that commercial for what it is, and were able to remain content with your current situation? All of their leverage is gone and no gaps inside of you are created.
Let’s say you observe another cue, like seeing a beautiful person walk down the street who seems to have everything figured out. If you create the desire to either try to get with them or try to look like them, then again, gaps are created that want to be filled. But, what if you taught yourself to feel no differently whether you saw someone beautiful or not? What if you saw a beautiful person and rather than create desire or envy, you learned how to convert that energy to a type of constructive, life-propelling force? You can see where this idea is going.
The same could even be true with food. Have you ever given something up cold-turkey? Remember how hard it was at first to resist the desire to cave in to that temptation? Remember how, after enough time, it wasn’t even a thought on your mind anymore? That’s the state we’re seeking; That’s how you become invincible.
So now, let’s look at this idea in the context of happiness. This is where so many people get happiness confused: that happiness is about some kind of achievement or filling up when it’s really it’s about absence or an emptying out. We don’t need to fill ourselves up with happiness—we need to empty ourselves of unnecessary and superfluous desires. When we learn how to empty ourselves of all unnecessary desires, happiness will naturally arise. How could it not?
Think about any other time you’ve experienced an emotion you didn’t want to experience. Angry? Or the desire for revenge? Frustrated? Or the desire for an easier solution? Sad? Or the desire to change a reality? Jealous? Or the desire for another person? Envious? Or the desire for higher status? And the list goes on.
Does this mean it’s not okay to have these emotions? Of course not—it’s a natural part of our human experience. But when you can free yourself from the unnecessary desires to try and change things that are outside of your control (like trying to control other people or reality), then you will be more free to confront the emotions that you’re feeling—desires aside.
Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, explained this idea beautifully when he said, “The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” This is about acceptance. It’s about dropping notions of desire, removing the drive to want to instantly change, and learning how to just be. How to be content. How to be as you are. How to be invincibly, yourself.
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
Join our newsletter and get the BEST of what we post every week. Here's an example. Like? Sign up.
[amp-optin id=42297]