“The one quick comment I would make has to do with this idea that we who live day-to-day with whatever [mental health] diagnosis we have are acting courageously or are brave to face the world. I don’t experience it as an act of courage or bravery; I experience it more as an act of defiance. When I swing my legs over the edge of the bed to face the day, what drives me is a refusal to lay back down; a defiance of the diagnosis. Defiance is often rooted in anger and I certainly feel and show that anger from time to time. People sometimes feel the anger is directed towards them—but it isn’t. Defiance is a strategy for engaging this thing. Of course defiance takes huge amounts of energy to sustain and of course, since I never actually will overcome this thing, that means that from time-to-time I need to back down; move away; rest. It’s like wrestling with a bear. Sometimes you get the bear; sometimes the bear gets you. But that’s okay, because sometimes, you get the bear.”
Paul Hogan
Beyond the Quote (72/365)
I do not have a mental health diagnosis and I, therefore, have never had to confront the challenges associated with having one. I have known people who have had them, my dad being one of them, and have witnessed the challenges first hand, but it has always been from the outside looking in. I know that it is an entirely different world from the outside looking in than it is from the inside looking out. But it is through our attempt to share, to the best of our ability, what the hell is going on from the inside looking out that we may ever gain insight and move forward in our own lives. After all, what is insight other than thoughts of value that are gained from peering into each other’s inner worlds? Insight is what illuminates the way.
Life is an incredibly complicated landscape to navigate—for each of us in its own unique and complicated ways. It can be dark, dismal, and relentless. In my dad’s case, navigating the landscape of life with a mental health diagnosis was undoubtedly one of the most significant challenges he had (and continues) to face. But he faced it. It wasn’t always pretty, he wasn’t always calm, and it certainly got messy along the way. Yet, in spite of the overwhelming weight of the “thing,” he figured out how to live with it; how to function with it; and maybe most impressively, how to contribute with it. And he did it because, dammit, he refused to lay back down. And that refusal was his insight forward.
I’m sure it wasn’t until later in his life that he realized that his unique and complicated challenge in life was going to be wrestling a damn bear. But in my estimation, when he finally did, and the challenge became clearly defined, so too, did the actions that he then knew he was going to have to take. When you finally realize that your day (every day) is going to involve facing, confronting, and wrestling a damn bear (WHILE you try to manage the complicated landscape of life) you start to approach your days differently. Your strategy changes. Your expectations alter. And, maybe most importantly, your self-awareness heightens and you pay more attention to how you feel. This changes everything. Because wresting a bear is crazy enough as it is. But wrestling a bear blind? Or even worse, having to confront the challenges of life without knowing that there is a bear wresting you? …Is unfathomable and crippling.
Some have it better off than others. Some have it worse. Throughout the course of our lives we must remain keenly aware of our reality, our feelings, our actions, and we must consistently reflect on what’s happen in our inner world just as much as what’s happening in our outer world so that we can face life with clear eyes. When we’re not aware, we can’t see. And if we’re not externally aware, we can’t make sense of (or advance) in the complicated landscape of life. If we’re not internally aware, we can’t make sense of (or advance) in the chaotic landscape that is our emotional life. Like my dad, advancement for any of us starts with self-awareness. Insight shared to him by others was one of the critical tools that brought the “bear” to light for him. Writing and self-reflection was another. Sharing our stories and genuinely listening to the insights shared to us by others helps bring all of our paths to light. And light is something that all of our paths could always use a little bit more of.
The only place I am in disagreement with my dad is in his mention of how this feat isn’t done as an act of bravery or courage. You’re wrestling a damn bear, dad, are you serious?! Acknowledging the “bear” of your life is hard enough—a step many people never get to take. Facing the bear is a step that scares most people right back to bed. Confronting the bear is a whole different world of action. Wresting with the bear?! Wresting with the bear every day?! That’s not defiance. That, dad, is courage. And if that isn’t courage then I don’t know what is.
Defiance might be the strategy, but courage is the propelling force. How better to define courage than as seeing yourself propel forward towards a damn bear, feeling the fear, and continuing to propel forward anyway? And not only have you done that, but you do it day-in and day-out. Defiance is what you see from the inside looking out. Courage is what I see from the outside looking in. So thank you. Thank you for not only defying the stigma, but for living such a courageous and barrier-breaking life. Cheers to, sometimes, getting the damn bear.
Read Next: Paulo Coelho Quote on Listening To Your Heart
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