“When you make it your goal to create the perfect relationship between you and your body, you are learning to have a perfect relationship with anyone you are with, including your mother, your friends, your lover, your children, your dog. When you have the perfect relationship between you and your body, in that moment your half of any relationship outside you is completely fulfilled. You no longer depend upon the success of a relationship from the outside.”
Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love
Beyond the Quote (66/365)
The most you can ever contribute to the success of a relationship is 50%. The fact that it’s a relationship implies that there are two and 100% of one out of two is 50%. This isn’t to say that the most effort you can ever put forth is 50%. You can undoubtedly give your 100%, but it’s only ever going to add up to 50% as a part of the whole relationship. This is one of the key mindsets to understand in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Let’s take a look at an example.
Imagine two glasses that are next to each other. Let’s say one glass is yours and the other is your lover’s. In order for the glasses to be 100% full, they both need to be filled up all of the way, but only you can fill your cup and only your lover can fill theirs. If you only fill your glass and your lover doesn’t fill theirs, then only 50% of the total volume will be filled. Even if you keep pouring more and more liquid into your glass, it will be to no avail. The liquid will simply overflow and puddle. It will be up to your lover to fill theirs if the overall percentage is to be raised. This is the same for a relationship. You and your lover are two separate entities—you are not one entity. You are two halves that need to be filled up separately in order for the whole to be fulfilled.
“But, can’t I help fill up my partner’s half?” …You might ask. Yes. But, it will only be of minimal impact compared to the impact they can have on their own glass when they work to fill it themselves. Let’s go back to the glasses analogy. Let’s say that the glasses are so close to each other that they are touching rims. And let’s say that your half—your glass—is overflowing again. The amount of liquid that flows into your lover’s glass is going to very small. Much better if they took care of their own glass and filled it up themselves directly.
This is the problem with dependence in a relationship. If your cup is empty and you’re relying on your partner to help you keep it filled—you both are going to get exhausted, frustrated, and upset. On the one side, your partner has to work excruciatingly hard to not only fill their own glass, but fill it up to the point where it is overflowing to compensate for yours, and on the other side, only a minuscule amount of their liquid is even making it into your cup. Your cup will remain near empty and your partner will remain frustrated that your cup is near empty. It’s not a good long-term solution.
So, what is a good long-term solution? The best long-term solution is to start by making it your goal to create the perfect relationship between you and yourself. How might you do that, you ask? Well, why not start by taking care of yourself as you would for someone you were responsible for—care for yourself as you would care for your kids. “Eat more fruits and veggies.” “Turn off the TV and go read.” “Get off your iPad and go outside and play.” “Don’t say mean things to others.” “Share with your friends.” “Don’t beat yourself up.” “Talk about the things that make you upset.” “Stay home when you’re sick.” “Say thank you when it’s appropriate.” “Clean up after yourself.” “Do your homework.” “Listen on the first time.” It’s all there and it’s all amazing advice—especially for adults.
As far as the how to pour it in? You do everything listed above and anything else that fills you up. Maybe explore, journal, take some risks, or do other “adult things” that would help beyond what you would tell your kids to do—but the important thing is to explore and try. When you learn to have the perfect relationship with yourself, you are learning how to have a perfect relationship with anyone you are with. And remember, all you can ever contribute is your 100% towards your 50% of a relationship. If the other person isn’t ready or willing to work to fill theirs, then that needs to be taken into consideration for your situation. Do your part. Take care of yourself so well that you’re always overflowing into the cups of those around you. THAT is the first step to perfect (or at least much better) relationships in your life.
This post became the introduction for: 12 Empowering Don Miguel Ruiz Quotes from The Mastery of Love
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
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