Quote on Managing Stress By Controlling What You Can and Letting Go Of What You Can't

“Remember, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude. Change how you see things. Look for the good in all situations. Take the lesson and find new opportunities to grow. Let all the extra stress, worrying and overthinking go.”
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Beyond the Quote (44/365)

The above quote can be boiled down the following idea: accept what you cannot change, take control of what you can, do what you need to do to figure out which category each situation in your life falls, and act accordingly. If you never make the connection that a given situation is out of your control, then you might drive yourself mad in trying to change it. If you don’t even realize that a situation is within your control (or that at least part of it is) and you act as though it’s not, you might be suffering unnecessarily as a result.

Taking the time and giving yourself the space required to really think about given situations in your life can help you develop the insight and wisdom required to make these important distinctions. Without that wisdom, many of your thoughts and actions will be misguided at best. If you want to improve your life, this is the foundational concept that can change it all.

If, after careful reflection you decide that a situation cannot be changed, great! This is where the last line in the above quote comes in: “Let all the extra stress, worrying, and overthinking go.” It can’t be changed! Why stress? Why worry? Why spend any more time thinking about it? Once the decision is made, move on. Let it go. Nothing more can be done.

If, after careful reflection you decide that a situation can be changed, great! Come up with the best possible plan you can muster and do that. This won’t always look pretty and this certainly won’t always be easy, but the fact that something can be done about it is relatively good news—better to be able to do something than nothing at all, right? This is also where the first line in the above quote comes in: “Remember, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is.”

Once something happens that affects you, it’s over. It happened. It can’t be taken back or changed. And sometimes, what happens can be really awful and painful. This is a reality of life. If it can’t be changed, then don’t try to change it. How you choose to respond to what happened to you, however, is always well within your control. This is where the middle context of the above quote comes in: “Adjust your attitude. Change how you see things. Look for the good in all situations. Take the lesson and find new opportunities to grow.”

This can be easier said than done—I get it. But what’s the alternative? Stay pissed about the situation? Refuse to change your mind about something that eats you up? Look for the absolute worse in all situations? Take no lessons and look only for ways to decay or make it worse? Sounds like an absolutely awful alternative to ANY situation to me. Let’s take a look at an example. In response to the quote above, one person on Pinterest commented, “This is the biggest load of hogwash! For example, you’re a girl/woman in a family situation that’s being molested/raped. How is changing my attitude (that he’s a bastard that’s assaulting me) and seeing the good in this situation (he’s got a “good” persona/charming so no one will believe me and I’ll lose everything if I speak up)? This advice is just victim blaming!”

Let’s break this down. First of all, in no way is this quote suggesting that we look at people who commit awful, wicked, evil acts in “good” ways. What this is suggesting is that we control what we can control and move forward in the best way we can from the already unchangeable situation. We can’t change our past, but we can certainly influence our present and change how we move forward into the future. So, the immediate question would be, is this something that is still happening? If so, action needs to be taken immediately to change that! If this is something that has already happened, then it can’t be changed. So what do we do? First, people who commit heinous crimes deserve to be punished swiftly, accordingly, and in full, so this would be the initial pursuit—make sure that the above mentioned person is held accountable and takes full responsibility for their actions in the eyes of the law.

From there, we control our attitude and mindset. The “good” isn’t in regards to the evil that’s committed, it’s in regards to all of the “good” that can be manifested from it. Some of the good that can come from the situation might be the conviction and proper punishment of an awful person. It might also be the opportunities that arise in uniting people where they might be given a platform to speak out against awful situations. It might be the empowerment associated with moving forward from a victim mentality to a worthy one. The good might simply be the efforts that come forth that make the world a better and more safe place. To be clear though, preventing hideous and awful situations from happening in the first place is ALWAYS the first, best option. Finding “good” is merely the best alternative to those things that have already happened. My wish to you? May you learn to peacefully accept what you can’t control, act courageously on what you can, and find the wisdom to know the difference.