“Make it a habit to monitor your mental-emotional state through self-observation. ‘Am I at ease at this moment?’ is a good question to ask yourself frequently. Or you can ask: ‘What’s going on inside me at this moment?’ Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.”
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now (Page 77)
Beyond the Quote (38/365)
For so many of us, the gap between an outside stimulus and our response is immediate and reflexive. We react with the immediate feelings and emotions that arise without really knowing what those feelings and emotions even are—until after the fact. Acting and then thinking has it’s time and it’s place, but so does thinking and then acting. Get it wrong and things could get far more complicated and challenging than they need to.
A cup falls from the coffee table towards the floor? You had better try and grab that cup like a ninja without even a moment’s hesitation—act then think. Get into a fight with a loved one? Before you raise your voice, improve your argument—think then act. Create some space from the argument, figure out what the deep-seated issues are from both perspectives, run all of the simulations in your head (as far as solutions and compromises), present the best solution you can come up with, and act appropriately and move forward from there. Yelling out the first things that come to mind when you’re in the heat of an argument usually leads to later regrets and long apologies.
Having an emotion like anger or frustration arise after a distinct event like an argument is relatively easy to notice—it happens to all of us. But what about the feelings and emotions we carry around during the “uneventful” parts of our day? What about the feelings and emotions that we harbor inside and carry around subconsciously from past events and situations? What about those times when you’re just plain not in a good mood and for no particular identifiable reason? This is where self-observation becomes so important.
We are emotional creatures! Being “emotional” never stops. At any particular moment we are always feeling some kind of way. And unless we learn to identify what that “some kind of way” is, then we may act in ways that don’t align with our intentions. If we don’t even realize that we’re feeling irritated, then how can we prevent ourselves from acting irritated? Identifying the emotional state we’re in is the first step we need to take before we can ever change or improve it.
Check in with yourself regularly. As Eckhart Tolle suggests above, ask yourself if you’re at ease and question how you’re feeling in given moments. You’d be surprised how enlightening this small exercise can be. Once you realize that you’re feeling bitterness, for example, and you can point your finger at bitterness, then you can more appropriately align your actions with that given emotional context. You might do some introspection and try to understand where the bitterness is coming from. You might do some reading, writing, breathing, or intense exercise in an effort to convert that bitterness to a different emotion. You might talk to somebody about how you feel and see if they might be able to offer some insight or guidance.
Once you are able to properly deal with that bitterness or you are able to change your bitterness to a better emotion, then you will be able to act in more appropriate, productive, fulfilling ways. Because the way you feel will undoubtedly influence how you act and the way you act is the way you change your outside world. Focus on the outside, first, and you can count on our inside being a real crap shot (which will undoubtedly make things more complicated and challenging than they need to be). Get the inside right, first, and you’d be surprised how much the rest of your outside world falls into place and takes care of itself.
Read Next: Anne Frank Quote on Reflection and Doing Better Each Day
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
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