“You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.”
The Minimalists, Everything That Remains
Beyond the Quote (34/365)
Sure we might influence or inspire the people around us to change, but we certainly can’t force them to change. Change is an inside-out job. It’s something that a person has to want themselves and something they have to manifest from within. The outside-in approach simply doesn’t work. You can yell and scream and shout and argue with a person until the veins in your neck pop out—a person won’t change until they decide they’re ready, willing, and capable of change.
And many times, the harder you try to force change on somebody, the more resistance your efforts will be met with. Why wouldn’t they be? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction and for there to be such a strong action against them that is essentially threatening their “normal,” their “comfortable,” their identity even (even if it is for the better), how could it not be met with an equally strong reaction that is going to keep them as they are (normal, comfortable, and in alignment with how they view themself)?
It’s like when you move your body around rapidly in a pool—the water resists as strongly as you push against it. Sometimes, the best way to influence or inspire somebody to change is with as little force as possible. Maybe through no force at all? Maybe you become the change you want to see, have conversations when they’re appropriate, tastefully share stories that are relevant, etc., and essentially try to take a Trojan Horse approach—get all of the ideas, insights, and strategies that will affect change inside of the person’s mind and let those ideas, insights, and strategies grow, strengthen, and find their way out how they may. While a strategy like this can certainly work, the reality is, sometimes no strategy will work at all. Some people simply will never change to become the person you wish they would be.
When whoever you’re trying to change isn’t ready, isn’t willing, or doesn’t think they’re capable—you know it’s time to literally change the person. I hope you know by now that you are a product of who you surround yourself with (I have no doubt about this) and that the quality of your life will be significantly influenced by the quality of those people you choose to spend most of your time with. Changing out a person altogether is an option that gives you significantly more control over your life quality (versus trying to change a person for who they are) and can be deployed for immediate results.
Change is scary and change takes time. But change can also be reviving and immediate. And what’s interesting is that maybe, once you start changing the people around you for people who inspire and influence you, you might just start effortlessly inspiring and influencing the people around you to change for the better, in a better way, anyway. Control what you can control. Move on from what you can’t. And learn to see and act on that difference.
Read Next: 12 Minimalist Quotes from Everything That Remains by The Minimalists
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
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