“When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.”
Richard Carlson
Beyond the Quote (25/365)
Not only does criticizing and judging other people say something about our own need to be critical, but it acts as a mirror that reveals far more about our own character than it ever does about the person being targeted. In other words, what we’re ACTUALLY doing when we’re talking about someone else is, ironically, talking solely about ourselves. Think about it.
When you call somebody “ugly,” it doesn’t mean that the other person is “ugly” (that’s a subjective opinion) but rather simply reveals your IDEAS of “ugliness” and showcases YOUR need to be judgmental, superficial, and critical towards another person—that person simply becomes the subject through which you vocalize your opinions and beliefs towards. When you say that somebody else is “weird,” it has a lot less to do with that person and a lot more to do with what you consider to be “normal” (and reveals the type of person that you’re used to being around). Even when you subconsciously formulate opinions and critiques, you’re using other people as focal points through which you can get to better “talk about yourself” and resultantly, “see” yourself—for better and for worse.
This is where self-love, self-confidence, and social selection becomes so important. If you never look into the mirror and see (or listen to) who you really are, then how might you argue with what other people say about you? If a bunch of people say that you’re “ugly” or “weird” or “annoying,” and you don’t have a firm grasp on who you believe you are from an “inside-out” perspective, then you might start believing them. How could you not?! You have never looked at your own mirror!
But if you look in your mirror often and ask yourself who you want to be, and build yourself up with a solid foundation of love for your strengths, acceptance of your flaws, and confidence in knowing that your random assortment of the both is what makes you unique and who you are—then “ugly,” “weird,” and “annoying” become self-describing terms that only YOU own. And when that happens, hearing somebody call you something that you KNOW you’re not will fall on deaf ears. Would you be offended if somebody called you “green?” Having somebody call you “ugly” would start to have the same, nil effect.
Does this mean that words won’t ever hurt? Or that hearing a bunch of people say mean things about you won’t ever be hard to bear? No. But, this can absolutely help you bear the weight and understand what the hurtful words represent and reveal. Prioritize looking into your mirror often and decide who you want to be before the rest of the world tries to decide for you.
Once you discover your strengths—triple down on them. When you start to see your flaws and discover your weaknesses—learn to accept them, laugh at them, and embrace them for what they are. Then, decide that you want to utilize your unique set of skills, characteristics, talents, and abilities to bring out the best in the world around you (not the opposite) and become so confident in who you are (through little successes) that judgements and critiques from others start to fall on deaf ears.
And last, but certainly not least, don’t EVER stay in toxic social environments any longer than you have to. Toxic words, toxic people, toxic cultures, etc., might do more harm to your self-image than good words, good people, and good cultures might do good. Read that again. The people you surround yourself with and the thoughts you surround yourself with absolutely matter.
Read Next: 10 Deep and True Friendship Quotes For You to Cherish
Don't Let the Motivation Stop There...!
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