Quote about Growth and Not Being So Hard On Yourself

“You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

Unknown

Beyond the Quote (105/365)

Why are you so hard on yourself?  Is it because you think being hard on yourself will make you hard?  Is it because that’s the way others have treated you?  Is it because you have high expectations of yourself and want to do bigger and better things?  Well, what if, by making yourself “hard” you lose your soft touch?  What if you lose your malleability and more easily crack and break down?  What if you become more “hard headed” and stiff and rigid to the world and in how you think?  Maybe we should take a moment and reconsider what it means to be “hard.”

People who are “hard” on themselves are usually the ones who constantly criticize themselves, undermine their ability to improve, and beat themselves up as a result.  The origins of where that attitude might have come from can, of course, be pointed to nature or nurture—parents, guardians, or other important role models in a person’s life—but that’s irrelevant.  If you’re being hard on yourself, what’s relevant and important is that you acknowledge that the attitude is there.  Then, once you move past the blaming stage, you can start to reclaim control and better understand how exactly the attitude of “being hard” is affecting you and what you can do to improve it.

When somebody “beats themself up” it’s important to clarify that they aren’t “challenging themselves” or “pushing themselves outside of their comfort zone” anymore than a small child would be “challenging themself” or “pushing themself outside of their comfort zone” when they’re getting their ass beaten by a bully.  No.  When we talk about mentally “beating yourself up” we’re talking about mental abuse.  And the idea of abuse refers to the idea of treating a person (or an animal or yourself) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.  Cruelty and violence is no way to treat a child.  Cruelty and violence is no way to treat another living being.  And cruelty and violence is no way to treat yourself.

Now, one might argue that “battle” is exactly what toughens people up and is what makes people “hard.”  I would argue that the only people who have ever gotten “tougher” as a result of “battle” or “abuse” are the ones who did so in spite of their abuse, NOT as a result of it.  You do not walk away from abuse—physical or mental—unscathed.  You do not walk away from hateful encounters without some type of resentment.  You do not walk away undamaged after being constantly beaten down.  You do not walk away from battle without baggage or scars.  You do not walk away from getting poisoned without experiencing the harmful effects of the poison.  Battle isn’t what makes someone tough—people make themselves tough in how they handle their battles.

The strength that a person might be able to build isn’t a result of more self-fought battles or from handling more self-directed abusive behavior, but as a result of the opposite.  I would argue that real strength gets built through efforts of love.  It happens through the process of confronting and acknowledging pain.  Through the process of trying to understand hate and learning how to let go of grievances.  Through the process of forgiving and learning how to give back in a way that might help others.  Through the process of learning how to build inner peace and a soft touch.  Strong people aren’t the ones who know how to beat down—no.  Strong people, are the ones who have learned how to pick people up—most importantly, themself.

So, don’t be so hard on yourself.  Sit back and marvel at your life.  Despite everything, you still grew.  Stay focused on continuing to do so.  Learn how to stop tearing yourself down.  There are plenty of battles that have yet to be fought—don’t let the ones in your head be the ones that take you out.  We need you on the front line.  We need you out of your own head.  We need you here, with us.

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