Excerpt: Instead of doing arbitrary random acts of kindness, do deliberate deeds of recalibration when wronged to help “recalibrate” the world.
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Introduction: Instead of Doing Arbitrary Random Acts of Kindness, Do Deliberate Deeds of Recalibration
“Whenever anything bad happens, you should try and recalibrate the universe or whatever you want to call it with its opposite.“
Yasmine, Modern Love
Spoilers ahead. In the final episode of Modern Love, Season 1, we are shown a scene of a young man, Rob, who gets stood up at a café. Disheartened and upset, he goes to leave the café and (appropriately enough) walks out into the rain. He slowly pulls back to shield under the café’s awning as an attractive blond women, Yasmine, runs to shield on the other side.
Noticing his upset look, Yasmine tries to spark a friendly conversation with Rob, but quickly ends up on the receiving end of his disgruntled feelings and cynical replies. What’s remarkable about this scene is how Yasmine turns it around and takes what could have been a really awful encounter and spins it into an incredibly pleasant, loving one. Here’s how the rest of that scene unfolds:
Yasmine: Look, I can’t imagine what you just said feels like. I’ve literally never had anyone not go on a date with me.
Rob: No kidding.
Yasmine: But I’m thinking, like my mother used to say, whenever anything bad happens, you should try and recalibrate the universe or whatever you want to call it with its opposite.
Rob: Right. Universe, recalibration. Got it.
Yasmine: Wait, wait. If somebody cuts you off in traffic, you just are extra generous with the next person who wants to get out. If somebody steals your wallet, you go to the poor box and make a donation. You’ve just been stood up. You feel like shit, right? What if life gives you another date? Right now?
Rob: Are you for real?
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And lo and behold, they go on that date in that little café and end up dating thereafter. Beautiful, right? Now, let’s be clear that this doesn’t mean you should go around dating people who get stood up so that you can “recalibrate” the universe. That probably wouldn’t play out as happily as it did for Rob and Yasmine. But, the underlying message is an incredibly powerful and versatile one that we can definitely apply to our lives: when wronged by someone, go do right by another.
This formula is way better than the current motto that seems to be shared by many in the world: when wronged by someone, wrong them or others worse. The revenge mentality only shifts the “calibration” of the world out of whack even further than it might already have been shifted by the first wrong. And more “wrong” doesn’t make anything more “right.” What two wrongs do is just double the wrong in the world. And that, in my opinion, is why the world is so horribly calibrated in modern times.
If we want to recalibrate the state of the world, my gut tells me that Yasmine is right—we have to absorb all of the wrongs that have been done to us and, like alchemists, send them back out into the world as rights (or do that as much as we can manage). We have to take the nasty and turn it into nice. We have to take the bitterness of heartbreak and turn it into warmth. We have to take pain and turn it into poetry. We have to find ways to take the unpleasant, undesirable, awful moments of our lives and turn them into something that is otherwise pleasant, thoughtful, or kind.
The way I see it, we are either a part of the problem or a part of the solution—there is no middle ground. We are either recalibrating the world or we’re contributing to the chaos, unrest, and wrong. We’re either spewing cynicism, like Rob, because that’s how the world made us feel. Or we’re radiating love, like Yasmine, because that’s what the world needs us to do for it. Let’s resolve to be the bigger person and rise to the occasion of recalibrating the world—for the world. Because, God knows, the world needs it.
Below, you will find our list of 101 acts of kindness that you can use deliberately rather than arbitrarily or randomly. I went ahead and coupled each act of kindness with an example of an opposite type situation that might help act as a trigger for when future “wrong” experiences happen. Because, undoubtedly, things will go wrong and people will treat you wrongly in the future. This post can serve as the ultimate mental training ground for how to respond when they inevitably do. I hope they find you well. Good luck.
Start With The Small Things:
- Feel surrounded by hate? Spread love.
- Hot outside? Give out cold drinks.
- Cold outside? Leave old, unused scarfs wrapped around trees for homeless people to use.
- Fall weather leaving leaves all over the neighborhood? Rake a neighbors leaves for them.
- Someone give you a dirty look? Give someone else a smile.
- Annoyed that someone hasn’t called you in a while? Be the one to “cold call” a friend.
- Someone let the door close on your face? Hold the door open for the next person.
- Had a grocery bag break and dump all of its contents onto the ground? Help a senior get their groceries into their house.
- Hate it when someone keeps tally of the favors they’ve done? Do a favor for someone and don’t keep tally.
- Tired of listening to people complain? Go an entire day without complaining once.
- Feel like you’re always being rushed? Take 10-20 minutes to just sit and do nothing (with your cellphone silenced).
- Feel like the people around you don’t listen to you when you talk? Be the person who truly listens when someone else is talking to you.
- Ever get caught in a rainstorm without an umbrella? Offer to share your umbrella (or give it away) to others who get caught in a rainstorm.
- Are people going out of their way to leave hateful or mean messages? Go out of your way to leave kind and loving messages.
- End up prepping way more food than you needed for dinner? Offer the extra to neighbors.
Acts of Kindness for the Environment:
- See someone litter? Pick up some litter.
- Upset at the alarming rate of deforestation? Eat less meat.
- Local park facilities aren’t being well kept? Chip in and offer to help with the maintenance.
- See someone cutting down a healthy tree? Plant a new tree.
- Drive by a section of town that’s littered with garbage? Do a neighborhood/ park/ beach clean up.
- See your neighbors put out their garbage each week with towering bags that overflow from the can? Vow to do more on your part and increase recycling or start composting.
- Frustrated at how clothing companies are burning or otherwise destroying their unsold clothing items? Donate old clothing items to Salvation Army.
- Upset at the negative effect carbon emissions has on the earth? Resolve to walk, roller blade, or bike to work.
- See unwelcomed or unwarranted graffiti in a park? Offer to paint over it or help in its removal.
- Emotional over the massive impact thrown away plastics has on the environment? Reuse your plastics and only buy environmentally friendly items.
Acts of Kindness For Social Situations:
- Someone leave a comment that was rude or nasty? Leave a thoughtful and caring comment for someone else.
- Someone cut you off in traffic? Let someone go ahead of you in line at the store.
- Ever felt lonely and like nobody cares about you? Send someone a heart felt and caring message, just because.
- Someone cut you in line for the drive thru? Buy a coffee for the person behind you.
- See someone disrespect or demean a homeless person? Make lunches for the homeless and drive around and pass them out.
- Someone make fun of you for the outfit that you’re wearing? Compliment someone else on their outfit.
- Know a friend that’s going through a really hard time? Buy them a book that might help them find some clarity.
- Feel under-appreciated or taken for granted by friends? Create a “Best Friend Appreciation Day” that’s unique to your friendship.
- Getting your long hair cut? Rather than getting it arbitrarily cut, get enough of it cut so that you can donate it.
- Sick of hearing about people who make millions, but don’t give back? Tithe your earnings and vow to give back regardless of your annual income.
Acts of Kindness For Family Situations:
- Going through a rough time with school for your kids? Offer to take everybody on a fun hike in nature.
- Know a couple that hasn’t gotten out much because of baby/ child responsibilities? Offer to babysit for free one night.
- Frustrated that there isn’t anything to eat? Bake something for everybody.
- Remember a time when you didn’t know your way around town? Offer to give a family friend or new neighbor a tour of the town.
- Stressed out because of a big home-repair bill? Spend a day at a homeless shelter.
- Hate it when the local birds decide to poop on your car? Offer to wash a family member’s car when it’s dirty.
- Frustrated with your family members behavior towards you? Spend some time with grandparents.
- Were you on the receiving end of emotional distress and outbreaks because of something that happened that was irrelevant to you? Make your family member breakfast in bed.
- Are you always getting unjustified attitude from a family member because they are frustrated with themselves? Make them lunch to-go or brew them a coffee without asking.
- Plans get ruined because of a rainy day? Plan a movie/ game night instead.
Acts of Kindness For Work:
- Have a customer file a complaint? Give another customer a compliment.
- Vending machine ate your money? Once it’s fixed, leave a dollar in the machine for the next person.
- Have coworkers who constantly criticize you? Leave anonymous messages of encouragement on other coworker’s desks.
- Coworkers giving you a hard time? Buy coffee/ donuts for the whole team on the next work day.
- See coworkers giving a new employee a hard time? Befriend the new employee and offer to help them out however you can.
- Ever been late to work because of the snow? Shovel/ snow-blow your neighbors driveway.
- Have you struggled with a project or assignment at work? Offer to help someone else who is struggling.
- Irritated at the long waits and delays for public transportation? Offer to give coworkers/ friends a ride home when you’re driving and they’re not.
- Have you ever gone to use the bathroom and it was gross and messy? Help the janitors and do your part not just within the bathroom, but throughout the entire workplace and clean up after yourself (and others).
- Feel distant from coworkers and bosses? Offer to organize a group outing or have people over for a cookout.
Acts of Kindness When In The Community:
- See a couple/ family posing together? Offer to take a picture for them.
- See someone leave their shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot? Take an extra cart back while returning yours (or use it as your own).
- Got a ticket in the past for an expired parking meter? Insert coins into someone else’s parking meter that’s about to expire.
- Have a teacher whose methods you don’t agree with? Thank a teacher whose methods you do agree with by sending them a gift or a note.
- Don’t like it when people get you a gift card for a store that you don’t shop at/ buy from? Give the gift card to a friend or stranger who will use it.
- Sick of seeing kids using digital devices? Offer to read short stories or fill a spot for “story time” at your local library or book store(s).
- Sick of being judged for being eccentric or outgoing? Perform a concert or put on a show at a retirement home.
- Have you gotten stood up at a restaurant? Leave the waiter/ waitress a really generous tip.
- Know of a younger child who’s growing up in a broken home? Take them under your wing and offer to mentor them.
- See an upset/ overworked bus boy or table cleaner? Write them an anonymous kind note on a napkin.
- Got a flat tire or dead car battery? When your car is fixed, offer to help someone who has the same problem at a later point in time.
- Tired of doing the same thing for lunch every day? Offer to eat with someone new or arrange a lunch date with an old friend.
- Weather stop you from doing your daily run? Cheer on the person you see out there running in the bad weather.
- Frustrated when your initiative wasn’t as successful as you’d hoped it would be? Buy from little lemonade stands on the side of the road.
- Grocery store ran out of an item you specifically needed? Donate food to a food drive.
Acts of Kindness Pointed Towards Animals:
- See a dog in your neighborhood that never goes on walks? Take your dog for an extra long walk.
- Ever had your dog/ cat go missing? Be the person who takes those “Lost Cat/ Dog” signs seriously and helps the owners look.
- Emotional over the mistreatment of animals? Donate to or support a local animal sanctuary.
- Did you have a scare with the health of your pet? Anonymously pay for someone else’s vet bill.
- Have you had an animal die in the family? Adopt another animal that needs a home from a local shelter.
- Spending too much time on your phone and often bored? Offer to do chores at a local ranch/ farm and spend some quality time with the animals.
- Does seeing animals get killed upset you? Vow to not pay people to kill animals by not buying meat or dairy.
- Know of a friend or neighbor that wants to go on a vacation, but can’t because of their pet? Offer to pet-sit for them for free.
- Know of a family member or friend that isn’t able to walk their dog/ properly care for their pets? Offer a helping hand and volunteer some time each week.
- Does the idea of poaching wild animals like Rhino and Elephant upset you? Donate to organizations that help protect those beautiful creatures from poachers.
Acts of Kindness For Holidays:
- Sick of getting superficial/ non-personal presents? Create something from scratch like a handmade hat or scarf or make something from clay and give it away as gifts to them.
- Salty that you didn’t have the best birthday experience(s)? Plan someone a surprise party.
- Feel like store-bought cards are impersonal and a waste? Write gratitude letters instead.
- Don’t want to perpetuate materialism and consumerism on holidays? Start a fundraiser to support an organization that helps people in need.
- Have somebody important to you forget to wish you a happy birthday? Send the important people in your life personalized, cute, funny, inside-joke filled messages on their birthdays.
- Ever experience Valentine’s Day without getting a single Valentine’s Day card? Make Valentine’s Day cards for all of your closest friends and family members.
- Hear about poorly treated and often lonely veterans? Write letters to veterans expressing gratitude and love for the sacrifices they have made.
- Know of a friend or family member that will be alone on Thanksgiving? Invite them to your family gathering or send them a dinner.
- Hear about less fortunate families who can’t afford gifts for their children on Christmas/ Hanukkah/ Kwanzaa? Donate gifts to families in need or to organizations that can distribute them appropriately.
- Feel like big business ruins the “holiday spirit?” Volunteer at a local soup kitchen.
Acts of Kindness In Situations of Sickness or Death:
- Got sick and didn’t have anyone check up on you? Drop off soup for someone who you know is sick.
- Have you ever gotten sick and incredibly bored? Recommend or lend your favorite book to a sick friend.
- Know of a young child who was diagnosed with cancer? Send coloring books to local hospitals to entertain kids with cancer for when they’re undergoing treatments.
- Feel guilty about being privileged in a world of incredible disparity? Use your privilege to help those less fortunate.
- Know of someone who got diagnosed with a terminal disease? Rather than distance yourself, try to engage in deeper conversations with them.
- Have you ever been bullied or abused to the point where it affected your mental health? Resolve to be an upstander in situations of bullying and help others when they are in need.
- Ever get stuck working when a family member or friend was sick? Create (or work to create) a work environment that prioritizes family first for employees.
- Hear about someone who died alone? Be there for someone who is on their deathbed.
- See people who are seemingly taking their lives and health for granted? Do this exercise for yourself or pass it along to someone who you think will be receptive to it to help re-instill the feeling of gratitude for life—before it’s too late.
- Have you been hit heavy with heartbreaking news of sickness or death? Share the best of what you remember of that person and celebrate their life rather than only mourn it.
Bottom Line:
When someone treats you poorly, recalibrate the universe by treating someone else nicely. If you don’t feel like you can do something nice after someone did something wrong by you, rather than perpetuate more wrong, try to distance yourself, calm down, come up with a plan, and deal with the situation in the best way you can think of.
To be clear, this post is not designed to justify or excuse those who do wrong. Rather, it’s a way to help refocus the mind away from revenge and towards healing and the betterment of all. These steps towards “recalibration” should be taken with a grain of salt and can be modified or adapted to a person’s unique situation accordingly. And action steps should always be taken to bring justice to those who do wrong.
I would love to hear some of your unique situations in the comment section below. And if you have any other ideas on how we might be able to recalibrate the universe, let us know some of your thoughts on that, too! Thanks, as always, for reading.
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Written by Matt Hogan
Founder of MoveMe Quotes. On a mission to help busy people do inner work—for better mental health; for healing; for personal growth. Find me on Twitter / IG / Medium. I also share daily insights here. 🌱
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