Stephen Cope Quote on Being Yourself and How You Can’t Be Anyone You Want To Be

“You cannot be anyone you want to be.  Your one and only shot at a fulfilled life is being yourself—whoever that is.  Furthermore, at a certain age it finally dawns on us that, shockingly, no one really cares what we’re doing with our life.  This is a most unsettling discovery to those of us who have lived someone else’s dream and eschewed our own: No one really cares except us.  When you scratch the surface, you finally discover that it doesn’t really matter a whit who else you disappoint if you’re disappointing yourself.  The only question that makes sense to ask is: Is your life working for you?”

Stephen Cope, The Great Work Of Your Life

Beyond the Quote (Day 4)

If your life isn’t working for you, then who is it working for?  Are you working to please yourself or someone else? Are you fulfilling dreams that are uniquely your own or dreams that were bestowed upon you by your parents? Do you feel a sense of growth and contribution when you work or do you feel a sense of dread and purposelessness?

Here’s the thing, when you’re young, vulnerable, and confused it’s easy to fall into the trap doing things for others because you don’t want to upset, disappoint, or say “no” to them. But, at a certain point, you wake up and realize, as Cope mentions above, it doesn’t matter who you upset, disappoint, or say “no” to if you’re upsetting, disappointing, and saying “no” to yourself! How could anyone else’s opinions and feelings about your life take precedent over your own?

You have to care more about your life than others. Not just because it’s the only shot you’ll have at living a fulfilled life that’s in alignment with your dreams, aptitudes, and potential—but because ultimately no one else really cares except you. They have their own life to live. They might want the best for you, but they also want the best for themselves. And many times, people blur that line between what they think is best for you and what’s really in their own best interest. You have to be the judge and jury of your own life.

You weren’t put on this earth to live your life for someone else and likewise, they weren’t put on this earth to live their life for you. We are not servants and we are not slaves. We are independents who are uniquely capable and who have but one shot at living our best life. This doesn’t mean that we live in isolation and in accord with our thoughts and our thoughts only. It means that at the end of the day, after all of the exchanges we have had with other people and media, we choose a path that makes the most sense to us—that’s in alignment with our being and our being only.

People will offer advice and people will criticize; keep what resonates and discard what doesn’t.  People will pressure you and people will guilt you; learn to perform under pressure and not get tripped up on guilt.  People will try to brainwash you into following a certain path and distract you from pursuing one that is uniquely your own; make sure YOU are the one that does the washing of your brain and learn to master the ability to focus in spite of constant distraction.

While the relationships we have with our closest family members, friends, and mentors are pivotal to our forward progress and ultimate success, the most important relationship we need to maintain is the one we have with ourself—our own minds, bodies, and spirits.  If we’re on an appropriate path, our mind, body, and spirit will feel in alignment and things will flow. If we’re not on track, our mind will tell us with logical arguments; our body will tell us with physical pains/ ailments/ negative emotions; and our spirit will tell us by repelling us from that track and all of the actions associated with it.

And if we’re not in tune with these inner messages, how could we ever expect to live a life that works for us? How can we truthfully evaluate advice, opinions, and feedback given to us by others? We must learn to listen to the inner messages that our bodies are broadcasting to us—especially if we’re unsure about our path or confused. Reflect closely on the following questions: How did you end up on this path? How do you really feel about this path?  Are you in alignment?  Who are you primarily trying to please? What (if anything) needs to be adjusted?  Live a life that’s for you, by you—because if you don’t what kind of life will you end up living?

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Read Next: Proverb About Small Steps Versus Giant Leaps and Having An ‘All-Or-Something’ Mindset (Day 3)

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